Time Travelled — 12 months

Hope and faith

May 26, 2006 May 25, 2007

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, I hope you are more excited about your 33rd birthday than you were about your 32nd birthday. 33 is your lucky number so if things have not started to look up, maybe THIS will be the year (finally!). And if things have started to look up already, hooray and congrats! Keep up the good work! You had a lot of things to face at your 32nd birthday. It was a very, very hard year. I felt like I aged 10 years this past year. Hopefully you have made up some of that lost time by now. I hope you have overcome your depression. I hope you finally get it. I hope your brother is still sober. I hope he has not relapsed too many times. I hope your family is not angry with him. I hope his disease has not torn us apart. I hope you still give him compassion and unconditional love despite how frustrating he can be. I hope he is still with his fiance and if not, then I hope he is with someone who can give as much love as she did and love him despite his HIV and drug addiction. I hope he is healthy. I hope he is not lonely. I hope he has not relapsed. I'm really scared for him right now. It has been very hard. I have much doubt in my head sometimes. I only want the best for him. I pray that he can fight this disease. Are you actually praying to God yet? I was an atheist but this last year has made me more spiritual than ever. Have you made a commitment to God yet? I hope you have not forgotten that God has been trying to reach you with all that is going on with your brother. I hope you have allowed him into your life. I hope your sister is still married and her damn husbad has not quit on her yet. I hope he gets it. I hope my mom has received help for her mental illness and that you have not had to cut her out of your life. If you have had to cut contact with her I understand you had to do it for your own sanity. Please don't feel ashamed of this decsision. I hope you are becoming closer to your father. He is trying. You need to keep trying too. I hope my family is closer than ever. They are so dysfunctional yet we love each so much. I hope you don't loose sight of this opportunity right now to make changes with them!!!!! Don't let it slip by, PLEASE! I hope you are not single anymore. The pain of being single is so sharp right now, I cannot imagine another year and still single. How much worse can the pain get. But I know from the past that another year of loneliness can easliy slip by again. God, i hope you are not still lonely. If not with a partner then at least some really great friends. I hope you are making the most of single life, enjoying great music , art, vacations, friends,sex etc. Toniight I am sitting home missing the Modeselektor show becausei don't have any friends with similar interests. I hope you have changed this. I hope you are still working in design and as passionate about it as ever. This year I did make some big decisions about my career and got accepted into a great school. I hope you are keeping up the good work with it. You have so much talent, intelligence and potential. Be flexible and compassionate with yourself. Are you still training for triahtlons or is your body too old for them? In any event, I hope you are still taking good care of yourself and you still look fantastic (I am sure you do regardless). I hope you are in NYC and not in this silly town. You should be closer to family. Overall summary of your life a year ago: Health + (except your depression, otherwise excellent) Spiritual ? (getting there!) Family +/- (its tough but there is much promise) Friends - (You need to find new ones!) Career + (keep up the good work) Love - - -(utterly lonely) Hopefully there have been some positive changes. If not, then take some time to get back on track and make a new game plan. Gve yourslef a break, this thing called life ain't easy but you gotta give it some true effort. Please don't fall back into your old coping mechanisms. If you have, its time to step up to the plate again. The only person who can change Jill's life is Jill. That's all you got sweety and you're pretty damn great. You deserve the best you can give yourself. Love, Past Me

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