Thoughts from me at 33

Dear FutureMe, Tonight I went to Amuka. I have mixed feelings about my visit. I reject superstitions and believe that praying at the graves of Rabbis borders on idolatry but I am still drawn there by hope or perhaps desperation. I do not have the strength of my convictions. Driving down through the dark Birya forest lit by breathtaking yellow/orange moon - reminding me that Rosh Hashana is only a few days away, was deeply affecting. But once there I struggled with what to say and how to say. Though I was alone except for Shlomit I felt self-conscious. I read a few of my favourite psalms, though they didn't seem so relevant to the moment and I tried to talk to God in my heart. But I couldn't summon the words I sought, or the emotion either. Notwithstanding I do pray that this will be the year that I find what I am searching for. Not just me but so many of my friends who also seek and struggle with their loneliness. As Rosh Hashana approaches I face the new year positively for the most part but still yearning for a future that seems just out of reach. Shana Tova Alexandra