A letter from February 19th, 2018

Dear FutureMe, I’m writing because at this age I still don’t know what I wanna become. I still complain about work and often get way too lazy to be productive and do sensible things. I’m fat and with the diagnosis of diabetes, I still don’t eat healthy and still don’t exercise. I’m an expert lazy banana and to add more **** to that, I care less and care more about yolo-ing. Ya know, “you only live once” thang that I always do because I don’t wanna get old regretting the things I should be doing while I still can. I’m well, young dumb and broke (as Khaled said it) cos I still rent a place to live in and I still don’t have my own car (I’m 31 for God’s sake). I’m still small and I what’s bothersome is I don’t effing care. Three decades of existing and I don’t have any accomlishment to be proud of. Can I include travels as accomplishments? I don’t know. I don’t even have a bank account or a large amount of money in my pocket. But I still go to to places I’ve never been to and still buys stuff that aren’t actually necessities. And I still plan of going somewhere and still plan of buying the wants. Lol. Happy birthday dear self. I’m writing because I hope when you receive this letter you are an accomplished person already. I hope you’ll read this in New York or any foreign place with a big bank account and a bigger and prettier house in your country. Oh with a brand new car driven by your Papa and your Mama at the passenger seat. And oh, still with the family you have right now. I wish that at this certain point of your life, you are now sure of your life’s choices and what you have become today. I wish you still look young because you finally chose to have a healthier body and lived a healthier lifestyle. I wish you are a happier person right now with a partner that will take good care of you and you will take good care, too, or maybe with a child. I also wish that you visited multiple countries already and had sponsored a happy tour to your parents and your family. I hope that your current friends are still your friends today. See? At this age, I still can’t have a sensible list in my to-do bucket list. I know it’s wrong to say this, but I feel that I’m wasting my time. I’m not that happy with my work but I stayed for 10 years. I dunno. I’m still uncertain. I just hope, self, that at this age, you already know and are happier.