February 18th, 2018

International Love Song – The Black Skirts Love that song~ I haven't been listening to much Korean songs until I decided to play my k-indie playlist & aesthetic playlist. What's happening on your end though? 2026 sounds so far away, and no doubt there will be so many changes.. & challenges. I'm not sure how to begin but the next year is going to be a tough one. I have a lot to learn before I get into the real world.. apparently we're gonna learn how to manage money stuff like credit or bills or something? I don't know.. but a lot of life skills too .. I'm looking forward to it but at the same time I don't want to do it. This year is really something and I can't even imagine where you'll be cuz I'm barely nearing the end of my senior year.. You might even have a job and apartment? At the moment I have gotten myself in a mess.. school's a mess with my 49 in calculus BC, but I know I'm not trying hard enough. So much of me keeps questioning what actually matters, & what's worth my time... But lately i have more ugh moments... I'm also yearning for Jun.. so much that I want to take a flight out there as soon as I can.. I need at least a week with jun.. so I looked at costs for a trip there and back and I would really need to save a lot .. I want to meet up so badly but a part of me also knows I won't be able to keep myself from falling deeper .. I'd want to stay forever .. it all sounds like a joke to say "Come over then" but really.. if money wasn't a problem I would go right away...if school wasn't in the way.. I'd definitely go.. Tell me..how long until I get to see Jun? This is the kind of thing that makes thankful to grow up though.. the freedom of doing things or going places without family. It might be scary for me right now, but I know there's more pros than cons to make me do it on my own. 5 & half hours in a plane won't hurt, I've done it before.. I so badly want to know if you were able to go that far.. with any excuse to convince yourself that this is something you need rather than just want.. my mind has been a mess since I confessed.. just yesterday I had thoughts of giving more intimate affection & how much I wish I could be wrapped up in those arms.. I envy people with their cute relationships. Hugs and cuddles? What does that feel like when you so deeply care for a person? I've never gotten so close to someone like this and now I have so many desires that I'd probably punch myself if I saw myself lovestruck.. It might be irrational but ...I truly hope these feelings stay & convince me to find him even if I have poor planning abilities. He knows too much about me already.. & I know him too well.. maybe I'm thinking too far ahead but I honestly could imagine myself being with Jun, living with him, and trying to take care of him. Perfect dream world.... I could learn how to make more things and sell stuff on etsy & have my own online company sort of thing with my own designs & clothing while being able to live with Hun and help him with chores while he's doing the things he wants, learning what he wants to know. My own kind of work would be more at home but I can be flexible with my time.. then whenever there's time, we could watch together while cuddling.. A perfect world too perfect to happen . [2018 February 18, 3.05 AM]