A letter from March 1st, 2017

Dear FutureMe, Holy ****, you're 30 now. Ew man, I knew this day would come but ugh how depressing! I don't suppose you're still single? Cause even though I wish to be filthy rich and alone, I serously doubt that you can make a career so successful to fulfill that fantasy. Oh ****, I hope you're not married to some weirdo from your family's and the society's pressure! Wait a minute, is dad still alive? He keeps saying that he's gonna kick it anyday now, but I don't know, maybe he'll live to see you become a huge disappointment. Hehe, he... Oh my ******* god, 30 yo Stella, unconceivable man. You must be so old and weird now, oh fkn wrinkles! God I hope you've been doing a good job taing care of yourself so that you don't look too much like an elderly avocado by now. But I know me, and I seriously doubt I'll put in that much effort ugh. Ah anyways, I imagine you must have a whole new set of problem to obsess and be depressed over, here's a pat on the back from the past, buddy~ You've done good, for the both of us, considering how you haven't starved to ***** in a ditch somewhere, that's a job well done. Suck it, life！ And if you find yourself in a stagnant, unhappy place in your life once again, I hope you can have the courage to stand up and change the situation. You do only have one chance at this life thing, don't waste it on pointless things or people. Promise? Ugh 30, I can't fkn believe this, why don't you punch me in the **** already？ Jesus effing christ man... Oh I hope you're still aggressively athiest, home girl! Or else I actually might time-travel *** punch you, ya heard? Aiight bye, baby girl~ Or should I say, ma'am? oh ffs :( Yours truely, younger self