How are you acting?

Dear FutureMe, Hopefully, you’re reading this around your 60th, 65th, 70th – 75thish birthday, before you really need some help. Perhaps you need this now, perhaps not for a few years yet. DO NOT dismiss this letter as pure drivel, though. Visit this writing often, to keep a check on yourself. Seriously!! These are thoughts that have come into my mind lately, now that I see your mom, Doris, following in the steps of her Mom, Grandma, and doing the obnoxious things that she complained about Grandma doing. She asked you to tell her if she started to do the same things. So, now that she is, I realize that, to tell her she’s acting like Grandma: #1 it would crush her to hear those things; #2 it would serve no purpose because she is in total denial anyway (or appears to be-maybe she just doesn’t want to admit it to her kids); #3 it really is not my place as her daughter to have to do that (it was wrong of her to put that on me), relationships at this point are hard enough; and #4 at this point it is what it is, and it would be too late to do any good anyway. She’s too far gone. Thus, the reason for this letter: to hopefully “nip a few things in the bud”; to remind myself of my role in my children’s lives and their role in mine; and to go out being remembered with good, sweet memories. (Not that I won’t remember Doris with love, but it is a sad, stressful time right now that I would like to save my kids from if I can.) So Sally, take these things into consideration: 1) Your sense of smell is going to fade, so ask for help. Pay attention to how people react at your house. Don’t have people not want to visit you because your house stinks! Do not keep leftovers in the fridge when you don’t know how old they are! Throw out your trash on trash day! Do not have a cat as a pet!! Remember, you don’t really like cats. 2) Just because something you wear is comfortable and warm doesn’t mean that it looks good on you or that it’s fit to wear. When people buy you gifts of clothing, wear them. They are trying to help you look nice. Also, keep your eyes out for spills down the front of you. Knowing you, your eyes are not the best and you may not realize you have a spot. Wash things every time you wear them and if people say there’s a spot, pay attention and act like you care. Care about what you look like!!! 3) Don’t be too proud to ask for or accept help when offered. Just because they don’t do things the same way you would, doesn’t mean they are doing it wrong….be gracious and overly thankful!! 4) You are never too old to do something for the Lord!! You have never done enough, nor can you ever do too much to help others. You can make a difference! From caring for babies to doing a Bible study, to helping out a neighbor- even if you are not able to get around, you can always pray. It is not all about you (really it’s not!), in fact none of it is about you anymore, and that’s okay! That’s how it’s supposed to be. You had your time, now it’s time for others to shine. Help them!! 5) Do not complain about the aches and pains of old age or the latest doctor appointments. It’s really boring to other people. No one can fully understand anyway, so just shut up and smile! And as long as we’re talking about being boring, nix the stories about the old days, unless you’re asked. And pay attention to if the person is genuinely interested or not. DON”T BORE PEOPLE with rambling stories and conversation!! Don’t say things just to say things! And don’t be critical of others. Everybody has a story and a reason they do the things they do. 6) Instead of talking about yourself, ask people about them selves and their lives. Be a sincere listener! Care about people other than your own family. People can be very self centered and some won’t even think to ask about how you are. It’s ok…just don’t be like them. 7) You can still be your own person, just take care of your self! You can be funky if you want, just do it with a little class! Just wear one funky thing at a time, not all at once. It’s more interesting that way. Oh, and If possible, have someone do your hair for you. If it turns weird colors, (DON”T LET THIS HAPPEN!) It’s really bad! Don’t be afraid to let it go gray. 8) THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT!!! When people start asking when you are going to move live into an assisted living place or a place where you can get some care if you need it, start thinking about it and looking. Better to go too early, than too late and to be a burden or have people worry about you needing more care. Do not cause your family sleepless nights! 9) ALSO IMPORTANT! If you find your self getting forgetful, admit it. There are drugs that can help. It’s not he worst thing that can happen, being a burden to your kids and husband is. They love you and will think more highly of you if you take the bull by the horns and admit it and deal with it. 10) You need to stay active to keep your mind sharp! Activities out with friends, cross word puzzles, word search, card games, and reading…..exercise your mind or it will deteriorate quickly. Hopefully you can be a classy, Godly, wise, and colorful old lady. Just pay attention and listen to and trust the people that love you! Love, ME