A letter from November 8th, 2016

I'm sorry I was mean to Eathan at work today and made him feel bad. I'm sorry I judged people at work about the elections. I'm tired of feeling angry so much. I'm sorry I was cold to my mom and won't forgive and be forgiven. Í'm sorry I feel so much anger and hatred towards my dad. I'm sorry that he is probably going to die soon and I'll have been such a negative force in his life. I'm sorry I make him know it. I'm angry at all the people who don't view the world like I do and Í'm angry at myself for being so harsh and self-rightious. I am angry all the time. I'm sorry for assuming that everyone who doesn't have the same opinions is wrong and hateful. I'm tired of thinking about myself and acting for myself. I'm tired of being angry. I'm tired of all the things that I don't like in the world. I'm tired of seeing so many things that make me upset. I'm tired of being so arrogant. I'm tired of trying to convice people that my way is right. I'm tired. I'm sorry I am mean to my mother. I'm sorry that I dislike my dad so much. I'm sorry I make him feel angry. He makes me feel so angry. I'm sorry I'm not more compassionate. I don't want to talk about or think about myself anymore. Everyone is just trying to do what they believe is good. Why am I so angry and mean to them? Why do I feel like I can see what is good and others can't? I'm sorry I lack compassion. I spend too much time alone reading and watching people and thinking alone. I am alone too much and I make myself angry and compassionless. I'm tired being on my own and thinking only about myself. I want to think about other people and do things that make them happy and I want to be free from acting only for myself. I'm tired of acting like I am smarter than everybody else. I am tired of being smarter than people. I'm sorry I think I am smarter than other people. I lack a lot of the qualities that many people are rich in. I feel guilty quite a lot. I miss my friends and I miss the people I haven't met. I want to sleep and wake up in a long time with more peace of mind and more understanding and less hatred.