HELLO from you at 19yrs old

Dear FutureMe, Hi do you still miss dad because I still do. really do. Do you remember the dream that you had about how you can't touch dad's body in his dream. Do we ever get out of bereavement? It's been 9 years. By the time, you see this. It's been 19 years. Do we ever get better from nostalgia? The wound doesn't seem to heal by itself to become scar. Albeit not as much as before but it still do. Right now, I'm still living with 姨丈。 Just passed my driving test. Having loads of trouble because no one trusts my driving except yi zhang. Everyday I get scolded by mum or siyee for my driving. It drives me crazy like why can't they trust me. So PLEASE TELL ME YOU ARE AN EXPERT DRIVER NOW. URGH Hmm, currently I just got acceptance letter from NUS and NTU. IDK which uni to choose. I really want to be a foreign ambassador, and maybe the UN Secretary General. I know it sounds stupid but it is a dream that keeps me alive right now. I hope you are somewhere near this dream. Maybe you aren't but always stay happy because life is short. Don't worry too much. You are 29 now, you will get wrinkles if you frown too much. I won't HAHAHAH okay well i am you and you are me. Why am I laughing at you. Anyway I still have not dated cuz you know I know yi zhang is **** strict. Not looking for one too cuz what's the point. I think I'm still too childish for a relationship. What do you think? Hopefully you've dated and it's okay even if you are not married because I don't really mind not getting married. You can always enjoy life without marriage. Get a dog or something. Just tell me you've dated that super hot water polo guy with single eyelid and nice personality. Well currently everybody is still everybody. Bro is having a mysterious r/s with kailing. Sis is sick of her admirerS. Lina is going out with her friends to the library after exam. COusin1 is in ns. Cousin 2 is well, still his sloth self, having late dinner and stuff. Cousin 3 is changing his hairstyle everyday. My best friends now are Eva and Pin Jie. I love them. Eva gives this comfortable feeling and she's always a listener. She's so aggressively kind-hearted and stupid sometimes but she's nice and kind. Pin Jie is your soulmate, she understands me without me explaining much. She's got alot of boy friends but she's loyal and she sticks around me no matter how clumsy I get. Things change. Do they. I learnt not to trust things the way they are on the surface and assume it is gonna continue uneventfully like that. Because look what happened to dad and us. I just hope you are coping well with the changes. Bring ur 19 year old spirit with you. 你是打不死的蟑螂。 always treasure people around you and treat them well before they cease to exist. The living should be loved even more. Pls 报答姨丈的养育之恩. I know you will but just a reminder. Remember how he was supportive. Fetching you back home after your camp, being the sole supporter of your driving, being concerned for your sickness and all. Mum too. She's annoying but she loves you. Love her back. Currently, I still dk how to make time for myself. Give myself a break and heck care the world. Learning to do that because I'm working in Yi zhang office now and many times after dinner, I go out with friends and come back tired :< I feel like there's no time to let me be with myself, listen to my thoughts bla bla bla Pls tell me UNI years were like hell load of fun LIKE SUPER SUPER FUN. AND you didnt regret any decisions u make. P.S. i hope you are healthy and pls don't be fat. Dont expect you with completely flat stomach but at least tell me you are working at it.