A letter from March 5th, 2016

Dear FutureMe, Hey. You debated changing that greeting to something else. I'm/laying in bed right now in Mel's place off 85th and Alberta. It's raining outside. The cats are being obnoxious. It's going to feel like yesterday when you get this. Look at you. So full of new knowledge and experience and stuff. You're blowing off the YA teaching thing tomorrow because you just want to drink cafe con panna and soak at the Everett house for free. Hopefully we do that. Hopefully we drink the beer you bought from Ale Apothocary last summer. Hopefully skipping this YA meeting doesn't **** the future up too much. Hopefully you're not negatively feeling the repercussions of this.. Do we want to be teachers? Do we like being pub servers? What are you doing now? Are you happy? I really hope you're in love. I really really really hope you have a stronger grasp on what that is them right now. I hope you're better at it. That's all I really hope is different. Today I was driving down 84 on my way home and thought about little kid me staring at the green road median barriers. I used to stare at them and imagine their texture (soft, like foam). I thought they made a sound (the sound of the shuttered strobing traffic on the other side). Today, driving I felt confidant and brave. As if I were driving my child self around, entertaining her, or allowing the golden silence of her thoughts to flower. Her incredible warm and brilliant imagination. And next to me in the passenger seat was this old woman me.. And I realized I was driving them both in the position that I am. An adult but young.. I realized the weight of my responsibility.. To honor the desires and trajectory of my child and protect and ensure the wealth of that richness to my elder self. It was about my body, and the retention of my creativity and the strength of my spirituality.. That was what mattered to my older self. I don't think it's a hard task. I'm forgiving and will do what is best for me. I'm not sacrificing future wellness for present desires necessarily. Am I doing ok? Will it be alright? Will I make it? You'll be forty. Things will be different. Mom and Dad. I hope you spend your birthday with them. Go to the grotto and light a candle for Grand. This year doesn't feel triumphant. Tomorrow will not likely be triumphant. But this decade.. Your twenties? It's over. Three minutes ago. Corey just texted you. Where will he fit in the scheme? Take care, darling. I won't make any wishes now. Burn the candles, cast the spells, find the medicine that heals you and makes you think. Seek your truth, eat good food, love when you can, and keep practice your French.