A letter from January 6th, 2016

Dear FutureMe, Ten years have passed since I penned this letter for you. It feels funny to call refer to you as to somebody I don't know, but the truth is that I don't know you more than I know a complete stranger. I'm sure you'll still like licorice and lemon and chocolate and all things sweet or fried, because you always have and I refuse to think it'll ever fade, but that's about it. Who will you be? Who will be at your side? Will you be satisfied with your life and your choices? That's a complete mistery. I want you to know that nowadays, at 23, you were confused. That you felt like a failure most of the time. That you were sinking under the pressure and the expectations that people had from you. That you felt inadequate, never pretty enough, never smart enough, never young enough. That you felt trapped. But please keep in mind that I'm working for you. I'm overcoming those feelings for you to be a person you're comfortable with. And I hope you are. I hope you're coping well with the aging thing, I hope you have strived to get the position you wanted, I hope that you have decided if someone is worth your company at all or for more than, say, two months. I want to know what happened with the blonde you have been confused about these months, no, not your uni lover, the one you've been knowing for ages - I add that in case the situation didn't grow the way it had to and you can't figure out who's the one I'm talking about. I want to know the ways life has found to surprise you, I hope the majority of them is positive, but we can't expect the entirety of it to be do, we know it well after the loss we've experienced in May last year. If I think about myself - so, about you!- 10 years ago, I can't recall all of the things that have happened. Can you imagine that 10 years ago you didn't have a brother and you didn't even know his mum to begin with? You weren't even in high school and now you're almost done with law school - hopefully. you could already speak French and English though, and the number of languages you have learned hasn't progressed over those year - I hope for you you've learned more now, the career you were aiming at should imply it. I hope you have travelled the world even more than I'm doing now. I hope you've been amazing by places I'm not even considering now. I hope you are always curious about everything and kind and mannered - think of what your grandpas thought to you about it, if you feel you're not. I hope your relationship with your sister hasn't changed much from the other day, when you have watched a movie at her side in bed, or from last month, when the two of you went to see Star Wars "The force awakens". You need her, you see. She's the only one you can recall the people and the adventures of your youth with - and there's been lots. I hope your collection of bags and shoes has grown even more. I hope you're still faithful to your football team, even if you maybe can't dedicate much time to it anymore. I hope you'll never feel as alone as you have on New Years. I hope you are surrounded by people and not clinging into the old ones just in memory of the good old days, like you're doing now. I hope you're smiling. Smiling at recalling your 10 years younger self while she typed this to you in the dark of the night and smiling at your life in general. I hope you've made it out and you've got what you deserved. And I hope you go to the gym too, so, if you don't, please remind yourself that 10 years ago you were wearing sizes 2 to 4 and try and get back in shape, even if you're not that vain anymore because life has made you wiser. And, please, tell to the people you love that you really do, try and be a little less prone to pride, so far it has done lots of good but lots of bad too. And remembered that you're loved, this I know for sure, and never abandon your ambition: it gas brought you wherever you are and it'll bring you further, if you don't like the place you are now. You're precious. With love, Your former self.