A letter from December 21st, 2015

Dear FutureMe, Today is Sunday, December 20th, 2015. You just watched the Giants lose another game in the final 2 minutes. Odell Beckham, Jr officially lost his mind and will probably be suspended. I hope he grows up and learns from this. I also hope he remains a Giant in 10 years, but he'll leave via free agency or cut his career short due to injury. Is Eli in the Hall of Fame yet? Do people finally think he's better than Peyton? Have the Giants won another Super Bowl? Has the league overcome the concussion issue? I think the Mets will make the playoffs next season, but I can't see them making it to the World Series. The Cubs are loaded. I see them breaking the curse and ending their century old title drought. I don't think the Mets will be able to hold on to deGrom, Thor, Matz, and Harvey for much longer. Is David Wright in the Hall of Fame yet? Is Michael Conforto a perennial All-Star? Do the Mets own New York? At the time of this letter, you're 3 months engaged and set to get married to your best friend - a beautiful, ****, smart, creative and funny woman - on August 20th, 2016! I'm so excited about our future together. Does Cassie still work at UIC or did she get bought out? I bet she's extremely successful and well-respected to the point where articles and glowing profiles are written about her. Is Lynsey married? I hope Heather marries someone awesome, so we can do double date nights. Are you still living in New Jersey or did you move to Orlando? How are the kids? One 7-year-old boy named Murphy and one 4-year-old girl named Shea? Do they get along with Kensley? I'm certain Kensley will have a little brother named Trip by then. You best believe I'm gonna have fun with that name. That kid might end up hating me before *******. KC and Hayley are back in South Carolina, aren't they? Are Binx and Little Kitty still alive? Please tell me we didn't add another pet to the mix. I really truly believe you will find a 'cure' for our night terrors. There will be a groundbreaking pill or revolutionary treatment and you'll finally get the sound sleep you deserve - even with the kids. Are you able to discipline the kids? You've always been able to have fun with kids, but discipline? "Will you still be alive at 40? At this pace, I can't see you living beyond 35." ****, that was ominous as hell. I really hope your health improves. Are you still horrible at golf? Got back into swimming? Convinced Cassie to play tennis? I suspect there will be virtual reality sports that you're into. You still hate your job. In fact, you hate your job so much that you A) asked for a severance package then B) submitted an extended leave of absence, which was granted due to depression. Your employer, Dailymotion, was less than a year old when you wrote that last letter and it probably won't even exist in 2025. Does Google run the world? I hope you adjust to the anti-depressants or maybe you won't need them at all? Are you still doing stand-up comedy? My ever-growing gut says 'no'. I kind of hope you never give up on it, but I'm not sure you have the drive to commit to it enough to make it more than a hobby. I do believe you'll get recognized and rewarded for your comedy and creativity before you read this. I hope you're still creating in some capacity; writing, editing videos, telling jokes. I hope mom finds someone. I don't want her to end up alone for the rest of her life. Lastly, I really hope you've finally kicked negativity to the curb and learned to move on and not lose your temper. Give Cassie, the kitties, and the kids a big hug and kiss from me, you 45-year-old fartknocker!