A letter from November 24th, 2015

Dear FutureMe, Hey Kels, it's 2:30 on a Tuesday. I have to leave in a half hour to teach a private lesson named Gianna. Right now, Trevor and Mike are talking about politic type things. It started out about why walking or burning on the flag is offensive, and why American flag patterned objects are different than flags. We are living in the white house in Avon, with the neighbor Judy who has the small apartment attached to the house. I just wanted to write to you because I just found a flash drive with a homework assignment from English class from NCCC in 2010. It was about my first enlightening moment as an artist, drawing the one dinosaur behind the other. I wanted to tell you what I have learned about myself up until now, and maybe you can see if I have improved or if I am the same. I am learning to keep my mind more open, currently I'm 23 and I feel like I have wasted a lot of my time, or my life, or I am not somewhere I should be by now. I am learning that I have plenty of time in life to get things done. I don't want to waste my 20's away, I want to have as much fun as I can before I hunker down and become an adult. Trevor and I have been talking about having kids, like in the waaay far ahead future, so I hope that we got that far. I plan to send this 10 years ahead, so I wonder if I'll even remember that I wrote this. You're 33... 33!! I HOPE YOU MADE USE OF THAT TIME YOU LAZY POOP!! If I were to jump through a worm hole straight to you, I BETTER SEE SOME PAINTINGS ON THOSE WALLS! YOU'RE paintings, not some one else. Although it would be nice to be rich enough to afford paintings. Anyway.. sorry it's hard to stay on track with the boys talking. OK I just put on Pandora, Regina Spektor radio, I love her songs they're so abstract. If you have time, look up the song Blue Lips and The Genius Nextdoor by her. They're so pretty, and I'd love to make an abstract animation to them. Remember how easy it was to download macromedia flash 8 on piratebay? If you can, you should totally download it and try to animate :D OK now I will try to stay on track. I see people who are older, who are doing things with their life that I feel like I already had to get done. It helped me learn that I have time to do all these things. I always wondered to myself if it was good or bad that I seem to be a jack of all trades, master of none, but better than a master of one. I think I only am a jack of most things because when I learned I couldn't master one thing, I would move on to something else and so on and so forth. Do I ever master something? Do I ever knit really well or get really good a painting? Do I ever have a gallery show or sell my d20 bracelets on etsy? I wish you could write me back, it would be fun to have something to look forward too. Are we still friends with Akino? I really hope so, she's really cool and is really helpful with art stuff. I want to be able to have a job that I love to do and get paid to do. Like I would love to sell my paintings or be able to sell other things that I make. I just feel like I never will get that far with anything. There's a wall in between me and success. I never fail, I just.. get stuck in that sort of purgatory of not going anywhere. I am trying to hard to break it, but it's hard, I hope I overcome it. With the way social media is evolving, I see tons of articles that make me question if my mind is being read. I swear there are some days I am totally bummed about my own confidence or abilities and then on facebook there's a suggested post about "6 Secret hacks to improve yourself!" and "I tried this thing and my confidence skyrocketed!" It's a little freaky how spot on it can be sometimes. I am trying to make myself a better person. I like to think I am a good person, but I some how feel like it makes me not as good of a person to label myself as good. I care too much about what others think. I always analyze things I do and say before I do and say them to make sure it comes across in the exact way I want. I structure my life too much, I need to be a little more loosey goosey. I think I am going to blame that on the Sims because I was always obsessed with making sure each sim was doing exactly what I wanted at any given time. Maybe if I play the sims and turn on their AI and let them roam on their own I can get over it, I don't know. Do we still have the turtles? What about Ouroboros? She's barely 10 inches from nose to tail. Shes still so small, so small that I am afraid to let her wander because I don't want her to wander and get lost in the radiator or under the couch or something. I hope she's still alive, ten years from now she should be, hopefully :< I won't be surprised if we have more. Or of my kids decided they wanted one. She's watching me right now haha. Her tail and legs and arms are getting ready to shed, her body was always the last thing to shed. She's still small but she has little wrinklies under her chin and on her neck which makes me thing her body is getting ready to take on a lot of weight very soon which hopefully means she'll be really big really soon! I would like to think that she will be a lot bigger before this year ends. Ok well, I am going to have to leave soon, Gianna has been having issues with getting in the water lately (I don't know why... it was very sudden) So I'll suppose I'll see you in ten years. Ill see if I can send a picture.