A letter from September 27th, 2015

Dear FutureMe, How are you doing? Well **** dude I started college a couple weeks ago! It's literally the coolest thing ever. Havent been to the raddest parties ever yet, but that will come. Your roommates are pretty cool as well so far. Hopefully your not reading this back and cringing because you figureed out how bad they are or something. And holy **** man, the family is not alright lol. I feel almost free now leaving the house and all that behind, but it is quite sad. Dad is different and I can barely even relate to him at all. Though thats not saying much though becauase its not just him. My mom just sold the childhood house and is finally working again, so thats great. The divorce ended up being messy as well. Dad being weird about it all, mom having her friend and her friends junkie boy take advantage of her hospitality, and just generally pretty dumb ****. Apparently your sister, still has not spoken to dad since 2013. Dad has gotten better about it but **** it literally changed him to the core. Your sister is supposedly doing alright, on her own in california. But **** i feel sorta conflicted. If this divorce hasnt happened, I probably wouldnt have my college payed out, and things would be vastly different. Idk, sometimes wished i had that family that was happy around each other like I percieved was the case in the old days when i was a kid. And I wish I knew what was wrong with me. Ever since i was a small kid, I knew I was quite a bit different. But I cant pinpoint it really on what it is. Anyways i'm rambling rn and I have no idea what year im gonna send this to my future self. **** man, How can you seem like a stranger the most to your whole family? Anyways let me think... I'm gonna send this to you, 30 year old self. **** though, the farther I go in time, the more risk i have disapointing myself. I got no idea what you will be like. Think back for a second... are we the same? Did you get this social problem of yours in control? Maybe got rid of it alltogether? Or figured out a way to harness it for your advantage like in middle school and high school? But ****, I hopeit hasn't cruppled your life in negative ways. Now that im thinking about it, 30 years old is the time for a wife! ******* I cant even imagine that. I cant get close like that to anybody right now. How can you make that human connection to someone? I feel almost like a robot, that occasionally when he does get feelings, ant act on them. **** man imagining you with a wife or a girlfriend is ******* awesome. But perhaps, my expectations for change is just too high. But actualy 30 years is a **** ton of time away. Luke 2026? Wow one day that will be a year that doesnt seem like the far off future. You may actually have a kid, wow. Actually im gonna be real for a second. As a recently 19 year old, Im sorta scared of you having kids. Ive been thinking and maybe your closer to your dad than you thought. I mean, his brother had some intense mental problems... Dad has a share of pretty mental breaks, and **** man, i'm a mess hiding behind a mask. As in, I dont know what my personality is. So a kid that you raise? with the problems you have? I dont know. But hey, yall can play video games together! Have at least something in common! That was the problem with my family life. There was nothing i could relate to with my dad. Two totally different people just sorta living I guess. But i mean, if you can let your kid have that human connection you never had to your family, than thats good. No idea how you can meet a SO with a mental physic as damaged as yours, but ****, either you let off the mask and finaly figured out what lays under it, or you created a fantastic mask that is indistinguishable from the real face. I wonder what you are doing when you are 30 ****. Hopefully your still around though. when I was 9, i had no ******* idea where I would be when im 19 and its the same right now. Hopefully youre fixed by the time this email reaches you.