How's things? Kamusta ka?

Dear 24 year-old me, May 7th, 2015 is the day I am writing this letter.. Today, the me you today, loves Skip Beat.. Do you still like it? My anime/manga obsession came back when I was in Year 6 because I was just so depressed and sad for some reason I couldn't even explain why.. You've made a great amount of contribution to that area. I think you've actually did that because you were just so sad and didn't know what to do.. Anyways, right now, I am having a break down every day.. What if I don't succeed? What if I fail everything? My studies, my career, my personal life. Are you really a lawyer now? Or perhaps, still at law school? At this age, you wanted to be a lawyer.. I don't really know why though. I guess you wanted a challenge for yourself.. But, right now, your self-confidence is very low. You think you are dumb, stupid, ugly, boring, plan.. I don't know I just think of this right now. And in the end, in some place of your heart, you still expect Jacob Con to like you.. Yes, you like that guy as of right now.. You like other guys as well from this school like Josh C, Bernolf and Xavier. But in the end, they never liked you back and you never told them you liked them. Will it be different with Jacob Con? Probably not, right? It would just be the same.. UGH! What am I even thinking about, the 14 year old me right now should focus on my studies. Also, right now, you feel like your parents just absolutely despise you and blame you for everything else. Especially your mom. She just keeps on ranting about things but never expect you to explain your self. She always assumes and she always thinks she's right. She doesn't know that she's actually the person that affects you the most. Even though she says the littlest things, it actually makes so much impact in your heart. She doesn't realize how many times she made you cry and how quickly she could do it in just two seconds by saying something belittling you. She and your auntie calls you lazy all the time and just say other things about you that makes you feel awful at yourself. At the same time, they still expect you to have a 'wonderful' day at school and do good at your studies and everything else. Actually at this point, you actually think of regretting why you even went to this place. You tell yourself, you never had a choice. But, actually you did. You could've told them that you didn't want to be in this place. But you still went on with it because you had a fight with one your so called friends that time.. You were so immature.. and still is. Your so called friend that time.. You saw her again and your other friends from that old school when you went back home again. It felt quite nice, just to forget the past (?).. I don't really know but.. Right now, you have high level of anxiety. You don't feel good about yourself. You feel really unimportant. Actually, a lot of times, you've actually thought about ******* your own self - most of the time because of the effect your mom had on you. You don't have that much confidence yet you pretend you do. Also, the friends you hang out with right now, you don't even think they're your real friends. They didn't even get you presents for your birthday when you gave them some. Actually one of them, Jess, even forgot to greet you on your birthday. You generally don't care but in some part of your heart, you wished that they would give you some kind of present.. But, right now, you think that Valentina, Anika and Krisha are just really your 'true friends' at that school. You've spend most time with them. You know that friendships don't last forever. Your mom told you today that you seem to value your friends more than your family. Well, you wanted to tell her that it is only because you were just so depressed and sad in Year 6 without any friends that's why when you went to High School, you learned to value friends and start over again but in the end, your family is still number one to your heart because you just love them so much. You have a Maths Test on Monday. You have NAPLAN next week. You just did your Essay today. I can't count how many assessments you've been given so far.. Exams are coming up too. You're nervous and you don't know what to do. I just have to say the me right now, the 14 year old you, is pretty hopeless. I just hope that you're doing well.. You're doing way better than I am now. I wish that you have a good career and finished your studies to the point you could survive financially by yourself. You could live by yourself now because you are strong and you've gotten more confidence.. Also, you've already had a guy admit he likes you already or even right now, a guy who likes you and you like him back. I just really wish you well. I hope you're not failing.. In some place of my heart, I also hope you're still there. I really do hope you're stronger than ever. Your 14 year-old you.