Jenny's Letter to Futureself!

Dear FutureMe, Pour your heart... Today I am in love. - It's been considerably the best love so far and i don't believe anything else will be better. He is my confidante, my favorite and very very best friend. I feel eternal gratitude for finding something so perfect. I want to preserve everything, simple things, intricate things, his smiles, our memories, this most beautiful feeling and the happiness we experience everyday. I can say forever or always today but i cannot deny that anything can happen tomorrow. I am at the point where i wouldn't let anything come close but karma hasn't always been kind and the future is not always mine to determine. If anything changes, Futureself, i want you to know that today I am unbelievably happy.. lucky.. fulfilled. Here's to the greatest love I've ever known and I pray that it'll be my only. Today I am educated. -University has laid out or rather dragged out every bad habit and weakness, be it ones I've always had or new ones I'm growing to learn. Today I am indecisive. I'm unsure about my major and I'm feeling the effects and guilt of maybe wasted money. I've been minimizing myself lately with doubts and regrets and i can only say to you, futureself, that i pray you're in a much better place. Today I am anchored with worries and blinded with indecision's, I'm finding my way and with each fork in the road that i take I'll find myself closer to the finish. Today I am angry. -It's been a long, long battle my kin. Did you know I grew up desperate to look up to you? It hasn't been easy. All this time, here i was... so, so young and so, so impressionable, assuming all the faults and responsibility for this situation. I thought it was all me. Today I know it never was and it never will be me. I'll never let you have the chance to come close. ever. I'll never let you speak to me, love me or have me close or as your family. I find solace in knowing that this estrangement does not bother you, not even for a second. It teaches me to be realistic, to be merciless, to know better and be every little thing that you are not. Today, you are my monster. Today, you are still my friend. -People have certainly come and gone, fair, I've come and gone but this day, this week, this year, I have been growing to accept these rules of social politics. I'm not playing along anymore. I've had enough with subtlety. Enough with drama. Enough with shady and scandalous people. Today I've begun to let go, to move on and to reason why some things should remain in the past. On one hand today I've found my bestfriends and the other I'm letting go of you and you and you. Forgive me friend, it really hasn't been easy but times have changed and they'll keep changing. We'll remember these memories because they're all we'll ever have left. Today, Tomorrow, Forever -There's not much to else say. Somethings are unconditional and i know that in 2 years time, 4 years time, 6, 8, 20, things will not change. JME, somedays you've been all i had, if anything changes, if everything changes, i know the the one thing that never does change is you and me. I've been meaning to devote some more time to spend with the family. I know i'm not trying as much as i should but i'll find my way around and back sometime soon. I'm loved enough by mommy and daddy dearest and JC. Futureself, you should be much much closer by now to them. Do not trivialize anything, remind mom and dad and even JC that you love them regularly. Make sure they know. Despite some mishaps, I believe everything happens for a reason and i can only wait to unveil those reasons and realize that i would never want to change a single thing. yours truly...