A letter from October 5th, 2012

Dear FutureMe, Happy 31st birthday, man! I was 21 when I wrote this comment. I'm surprised this website is still functional in a decade, but there you go - props to them. I was unhealthy as **** and pretty depressed, though I had some moments of happiness, you know. 2012 isn't so bad. Obama is obviously going to get re-elected, Dishonored/Hitman Absolution/X-Com etc are coming out soon (not that I'm especially excited for them or know why I'm mentioning such bland things in this e-mail to be honest, I suppose that reflects on my life right now) and my new PC will be arriving in a few weeks. I'm currently finishing season 1 of Six Feet Under, which is a decent TV show, you know. Mum's sleeping in the other room at the moment, it's 12:24 AM, technically on the 6th of October then, but let's not be pedantic. I feel like ****. I'm behind in my studies; I'm 21 but haven't gone to university and I worry a lot about that. I'm often paranoid about my health. I feel my life is wasting away. I have no friends, no girlfriend, not much really other than a kind, loving mother who I'm very grateful for. You're really 31? ****, man. I'd like to be optimistic and think you're happy. You're healthy, you've been to university and found out what you want to do with your life and you've got a good job which you've been working at for a number of years, or you're going your PHD, whatever. I wanted to be an engineer, scientist of some kind, maybe a lawer, I dunno - I hope you're happy with whatever you chose to do. Hopefully you have a nice girlfriend (or wife?!) and some good friends. I hope nothing terrible has happened. But if it has, I hope you've dealt with it well. Unless the terrible thing is the fact that you're dead, which would be pretty depressing. Maybe one of your relatives or friends managed to find this somehow, in which case: Hey, whoever you are. Thanks for being a part of my life in the future, hopefully you weren't the cause of my *****, in which case screw you! It's possible, though, that none of this has happened and your life hasn't changed much. Well, 31 isn't old. You probably wish you could be my age again but meh, it doesn't really matter. Just get on with your life. I'll try not to waste my youth, though you'll probably think I have. Jesus, just look at my waffling on about nonsense as if I'm not you. Be strong, be a good person. Don't worry what others think of you, and be the person you want to be - don't settle for anything less. You know the person I want to be when I'm 31? Alright, I'll tell you. This person is intelligent but not arrogant, knowledgeable but not condescending, healthy and fit but not vain. This person is kind, caring - he often meets jackasses, people that almost give him an excuse to give up and act like them, but he doesn't; he sticks to his **** and acts the way he knows a person should, and the way he will raise his children to act. This person has conquered his problems with jealousy and doesn't hold any ill will towards young people, to rich people, and so on - they got a good hand in life, good for them - you and I would certainly take advantage of it, so why begrudge them for doing so? In any case, this guy is open minded, non-judgemental, he has a passion for knowledge. He's not prejudiced, and will always keep his mind open for learning, for seeing the other side of the argument and knowing when to admit he's wrong or when he's been beaten. This person, hopefully, is you. If not, keep trying. And start now, not soon, not tomorrow, no ifs, no buts. Now; because you clearly didn't start trying hard enough on October 5th, 2012.