A letter from May 13th, 2011

Dear FutureMe, First of all, I want to know why you are still using the e-mail address from the 7th grade. Second of all, it's May, and we know what that means. But snap out of it girl. Seriously, is partying worth it? Is it worth letting Garret and Grant see you like that? Is it worth proving Dad right again? Is it worth seeing Mom try to defend you, with nothing to help her out but evidence that Dad was, in fact, right all along? Don't screw this up Claire. Just don't. Hopefully by now you have better hobbies than drinking, like hula hooping, riding bikes, and frisbee. Claire, I hope things are better for you now. I don't know if you're on meds or just praying more, but whatever you're doing, I hope it's better than what I'm doing. Right now, instead of cleaning the house and finishing financial aid, I'm writing you a letter, and honestly I don't know how you're going to take it. If I had gotten a letter from me from a year ago, I'd probably ignore it because I was a dumdum, and I'd be thinking "lose the loser, get over yourself, and maybe I'll take you seriously a year from now." Anyway, as of right now, I'm thinking I need to pray more. Praying is something I'm bad at, since I get sidetracked by all the shit I have to do. The list never ends, and I doubt it ever will. I guess I kind of hope it doesn't, it's what keeps me going and moving and from being a slug. Though, it'd be nice to slug it up on the beach, and swim far enough to where maybe I can escape people. Just maybe. I could pray better then too. Something about the water, it puts everything into perspective. Everything falls into place. Anyway, Claire, you need to do the right thing. You know what's right. It's pretty obvious what's right and if you don't do it you'll screw everything up. Look at me, license suspended, parents hate me, I'm bitter, I'm sad, I have such a dislike toward myself yet such an indignation toward other people. I'm a straight up bitch. Fix that. I'll fix that, but I know you're being a bitch to someone or something and you need to come out on top. That's your job Claire, come out on top. When you stand on the shore, ready to go into that light, when you look back, do you want to say you went hard, had fun, slept late, or do you want to say you helped out a friend, went to law school, worked hard, and came out ON TOP? I hope you're smarter than me. You should be, and if you're not then I'm significantly disappointed, but you know, I have faith in you. You'll be able to do it. You can live for others. If Earth were a golfball... Anyway, go give Mom a hug, call Kaila up, make sure Casey is okay, and live for others. They are your purpose in life, not your rep. Thanks for listening. I pray you do.