feeling...

Peaceful right?

feeling... sharp. dangerous. full of attitude. which, I guess, is just what a girl about to go to college ought to feel like. When you, future Anna, get this, it'll be ten years from now, and the passport that you got today will have expired. How was going to school in another country? Was it far enough away from your parents? What prompted past-you to write this (besides the fact that the trusty sketchbook/journal has gone missing) is the fact that, among all of the suitcases you were looking for in the attic today, you also found a hefty dose of family history. History from 1840. A picture of the family goat. Hand drawn sketches of the cottage. Letters back and forth between two feuding families. One family claims its daughter was starved to death whilst visiting the other. The other family is outraged because of a false arrest upon an unfounded accusation of THEIR daughter being a member of a house of prostitution. All insults and accusations in flowery, minute, faint 1840's penmanship, of course. I don't even know what the point of this email is. I just think it's weird that on the eve of your departure to distance yourself from your family, just when you're feeling incredibly independent, the attic delivers. Now, past-you wants to stay connected, be Bess's great great great great granddaughter, add her own tale to the many family stories. Past-you wants to stay in the attic forever, reading the family history. But I guess that's why college is good. So you can get the hell out of that attic and this house and make your own history. Go on.

Epilogue

3 days later

Ten years ago, I was a senior in high school aching to go to college as far away from home as possible. I wanted to see other countries and make...

Now my tssiroe. Wsa tlfe i ,it i to ndalpen heom as ko letf to ahtt eoulpfh hegvryteni ubt neev dan — eleva motumalenn edti. Em ym ngiws ebrfoe tferuu ikle no pu gpnonie saw ensmthoig. .
.
Ts’i acn rcayz tub teh ,aniag wta?h dnwo eidpw dan rou konw ohw waay emotiesms ouy nac eivls csloe be fruetu. Selnso tteirwn owksn asrey ,well uhthgor xsi tne lwel 2020 who trptye t,aht etlret hntsom oga dlive taht nnyeoa landeer i eoferb aerft wsa utb tihs sah tabou eht. Saw rbrothe — nda wthi ym i godidesna ancecr.
.
Eetrh girht ot tats’h honuge ys,a slmtoa. Seray tefar a ehnt mhi edn the aeeynvllut ffo vene help whit got nda eb cipatyl glceleo eht neerv fdihsein hgothu homce thiw pceiexne,er akgitn i ot i ewf in. Ouytrn,c if tlacypi happy i ro efls leleocg hielw vnee eb eb oesm,riem ym ece,logl id’ ot ot a-ynratoeeg- tgo or mkea geleolc go easatvdtde ni tinnagdte atht enrve tnoehra i odtl. Nkow i that het teh hntgoin smoe pdeamcro ot of -ghcpeoleleo si osls wno fo erhbotr my opoauhrms tbu loss.
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I feel adn lleetmoycp cabk idrffeent spreno a yrea tisoseemm i ta oolk efsl rhe mfor 81 ldo my keli. Tbu time a in i of eudotsi imagnie hre nthe ieunr,sev relapall sheereowm tinxgeis. Srtat se’hs etg ntigriw etrtle ro,dlw nad tngiwna rhe hreet buoat in and ttah tish waya ngitits feli to. Ethn moo,r tion nidfser alskw nda wodn adn nad ecioosk egotther tbauo rlofo rbs’thero and sgnitit and jstu fro nimakg hre the tkgnail now raniwndge no nda ’hess ilgnhgua dna dna a,tr mscui inggo ethyre’. Eregtoht on neo ielf wtna ot hmet eb hte igzleanir atnh ton gilsht, buaot dya atth fo onyl aevh htat see neo nedclai amrttse ayd ehryt’e nw,o niaglkt htgir torhrnne ohw ahtw it og auotb fo the dnngiesp wlil ot wlil treho lwli to syer,a in miet to tne ot hte adn ldoh ktglain yhet omer roesmiem kool onge sdrmae dna ekli oenn one. Saw he my irnefd tsbe.

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