A letter from May 22, 2026

Dear FutureMe, Hi. So it's been 7 months since your last relationship ended. A month ago, you thought you had moved on. But today, you woke up from a dream about him. Suddenly, the hurt from the past comes back again, and you feel so overwhelmed by its struck. Now you contemplating whether you grow or still stuck in the past. To be honest, I'm trying my best not to make that failed relationship the only thing that I talk about. But I'm well aware that it has to do with my limerence and how my insecure attachment still runs deep in my vein. This is not my first struggle and sometimes it stopped when new person comes. New one to hyper fixate. I'm wondering when would this one would end because it seems so endless and there is no signs that I would meet someone new. I feel desperate. I know it's not good to use someone to move on. I have no intention to prove to Ethan that I can be happy with someone other than him. Even though he replaced me with a new one not even three months after we ended, I rather be alone than entering a new one when my heart hasn't completely healed. Sometimes it seems like I was the one who wins with the fact that after a long time, I'm still single. My ex is the one who lost because he couldn't be comfortable with himself and had to find a replacement because the thought of being alone scares him. But what if the girl that he chooses right now is actually the one that he wants and fits perfectly for him? What if she's the right one? Am I the one who lost? The healing process of my heart is just as pretentious as it sounds. Sometimes the actions that I did and the thoughts that I thought about were just inherently based on trying to prove that I'm better than him. That I know what is morally right, that I know this is what a healthy person should do. But why do I feel a relentless despair to be freed from that failed relationship? Is all the efforts pointless and not working? Wise women would say and do things other than their love life. All my life, it's hard to pretend that I don't care about it and that I just want to be in a relationship where I can love and be loved. The fact that I haven't found one and failed before just feeding my sorrow and anguish of the life that I dreamed of. I know that a relationship wouldn't make you feel truly happy or complete when you haven't grow those feelings within yourself but I feel like I've done and that I just really want to be in a relationship because I want one. Is it wrong that I do want a relationship despite the completeness that I already have with myself? I have friends and family that care about me. Am I asking too much to ask for another person that I can be in a relationship with? The blockade of my heart caused me to lose hope in what future holds for me. The tarots said that I should have found one by this time But I couldn't endure this desperation for too long. I don't want the next one to be the wrong one again but the longing to wait for the right one is also too long for me to spend. They say the right one won't come when you're waiting, they come when you're not looking for it. So I guess maybe I should focus on not looking for a relationship. But it's hard when this is what I feel almost everyday. Maybe the tarots are wrong. Maybe it isn't meant for me, at least for now. So I will keep waiting until that person comes, if he does. Yours truly, Nisa