A letter from May 14, 2026

Hey you, It’s been a while : ) I know it took me a long time before writing back to you, but here I am… randomly making another letter with only a few weeks left before your 18th birthday. And I think the best way to begin this is by telling you the truth: I am not okay. Life has been so hard on us lately—physically, emotionally, mentally. Two months left before college, and I still haven’t secured a slot, let alone a school to go to. I didn’t pass the CNSCCAT. So honestly, what else should I expect from the BUCET results? : ) It hurts in a way I didn’t think it would. Graduated with highest honors. Bagged medals from school-based competitions all the way to nationals. I worked so hard. Yet somehow, none of it felt enough. Wala. Ligwak. Tangina. I wasn’t expecting a perfect passing rate, and I know life doesn’t owe me success just because I did well before. But still… I never imagined failure would make me feel this small. This stupid. This embarrassed of myself. And the worst part is, I don’t even know how to comfort myself anymore. Because I barely know who I am now. Don’t get me wrong—I don’t miss senior high school. But back then, life felt lighter. Everything flowed naturally. My grades were okay. I had friends. I met people. I experienced things for the first time. I was happy without constantly questioning whether I deserved to be. But ngayong summer (2026), I feel like no matter what I do, it’s never enough. Like I should always be doing more. Thinking more. Trying harder. I feel useless. I feel lost. And honestly, I feel so stupid. At this point, I don’t even care about my birthday anymore, even though I waited for it for years. Scratch that—I genuinely don’t think I care at all. I just want money. Stability. Assurance that things will somehow work out for us. And truthfully, I barely even have friends I’d want to invite. Syempre, birthdays are supposed to feel special somehow. But I don’t think I can handle the awkwardness of pretending to enjoy a celebration that doesn’t even feel real to me anymore. All I really want is a quiet salubong night. Something intimate. Something warm with the people I truly love. And maybe… to celebrate turning 18 without feeling guilty for surviving this long. Hindi na kami ni Red. Or whoever, whatever that guy is now. God, ang tanga mo talaga. But honestly, I don’t think I owe you an explanation anymore. You were there. You know everything that happened. You know how much pain that relationship caused us. Impossible namang hindi mo maalala lahat ng pinagdaanan mo roon. Still, thank God we got out. Nakalaya ka rin sa wakas sa manchild na ‘yon. Hayop siya. And then, somehow, when we least expected it, God gave us Jigs. Tanda mo ba nung lagi kang naghihiling ng tall, dark, and handsome na lalaki? Yung parang “BMF” by SZA and “Dress” by Taylor Swift coded? Sister… ayan na talaga. Parang narinig tayo ni Lord tapos sinabi niya, “OH AYAN. PAKASAYA KA.” HHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Pero seriously, thank You, Lord. Kahit magkaaway kami ngayon while he’s at Bacolod, love ko yan. And no matter how difficult things get between us, nothing has ever changed the fact that he’s still the person I want beside me in the future. I swear by that. We still misunderstand each other sometimes. We still hurt each other unintentionally. But one thing I know for sure is that leaving has never been an option for either of us. And I hope it never becomes one. So wherever you are, when you’re reading this, I hope you and him are okay. I hope life becomes kinder to the both of you. I hope the love survived all the growing pains. To my Jiggy, I love you. Thank you for making me want to live longer. For every day I stay alive becomes another chance to love you, understand you, and know you more deeply than I did yesterday. I honestly don’t know what else to say because even to myself, I still can’t fully explain everything I feel. Maybe that’s why I avoid writing letters like this. Because the more honest I become, the more I realize how fragile I actually am. Nakakahiya pala talaga ako. But maybe that’s okay. Maybe being human really just means carrying parts of yourself you still don’t know how to heal. So to you, Mariann— Please do better. Please be kinder to yourself. Please don’t give up on us. I hope that by the time you read this, things are finally okay. I hope life no longer feels this heavy. Always surrender yourself to God. Always. And please, do well in college ha? Wala pa tayong 409128434818 pesos sa bank account, sariling bahay, at sasakyan. Ang dami pa nating pangarap. Good luck. And here comes my favorite part of this letter: ‘26 FAVORITES UPDATE: Singer: Wala. Medyo nanawa kay TS 😅 Song: Champagne Coast by Blood Orange Color: Still blue. (2) Person: My Jiggy, Rigemart E. Mancenido (PLEASE TELL ME IT’S STILL HIM. PLS PLS PLS.) Movies: Pitch Perfect, Isn't It Romantic, Mean Girls, old Vice Ganda movies Series: PEN15, Emily in Paris Book: Book Lovers by Emily Henry Flower: I genuinely don’t think I like flowers anymore. Food: Chicken biryani & anything Dubai chocolate flavored Memories: 08.28, and every memory Jigs and I built together. I genuinely don’t know what’s waiting for us ahead. But I hope you made it through. I hope you stayed alive long enough to become someone you’re proud of. Be great, but never forget to be good. Godspeed, Yani. Au revoir. Love you.