A letter from May 11, 2026

Dear Mouhsine, I'm writting from 11 mai and it's been good so far since I haven't gone home in a while and since then I've been so happy because I don't have to live with the **** in there. Right now it's still about 2 weeks for aid which I'm very worried from, since you know the **** that's gonna happen in there is insane, also I heard he's going back and I know a whole lot of ******** is gonna happen. Anyway I'm writting this just as way to get my feelings out, I'm seriously thinking about ******* myself and I don't like doing it but sometimes it feels like the only thing that'll set me free, and I really don't wanna do it since I don't even have a problem myslef in fact when I'm alone I become at the best state of myself : I study well, train well and I become really happy however they always have to come back and drag me onto their problems and make it mine I want to off myself **** my neck with a knive and end it all it's gonna be painfull, and I might survive and that case I'm gonna just try it again and I know the moment I'll do it they'll be back to shouting at themselfs at this point I'm building a resistance towards them I keep getting less and less fased by them I hope to reach the stage when I stop caring because that'll make me way happier in life but I can't sadely so there is 2 situations I'm sure I'm 99% of the time not gonna suicide mainly because of religious reasons I'm fully expecting a time where I get so pressed to the point of ******* myself and I hope it happen sometime, a point when I'm so overwhelmed to the point I forget about all and **** myself. anyways that's the first situation, the second is when the aid goes well, I get an internship at rabat to stay away from that ******** and I get to go finish my studies abroad that's a dream for today and I hope it comes true either way if you're reading this it's either gonna be true or false but anyways but in that other case if you're not at that point now when you are reading this, if you're reading ofc if I'm dead than congrats, and if you see a future when you just see yourself getting tormented by everything just end it **** yourself grap that knive and shove it in you're through but don't do it at ensias or any public place when you do it make sure it's in benslimane because tbh even when all this **** is going on it's your problem and there is no need to make it the others problem to, thank you so much douae and akram for still checking on me every once and a while it really meant a lot to me but now to stay happy just **** yourself.