A letter from May 06, 2026

Dear Diane, I'm writing this letter just to make sure of my future self is doing good. You should know that I was crying while writing this to you. I just had a conflict with my family, about my iPad (that sounds ridiculous, doesn't it?). Mom took it away from me since I played too much. That reason would be valid and I wouldn't feel upset if she quit joking around that she sold it behind my back with an unapologetic manner. Then we fought (verbally). I kept crying and asking her why she did that to me. My grandmother said to my mom that she was becoming less dominant over me, which made me feel like I was rage baited. However, making your child afraid of you is not a good parenting method, and I cannot imagine myself being a good mother after seeing all the generational traumas in my house. FYI, I am quite an individualist, and my living conditions I am having right now are totally contradict to that. I am sleeping in my living room, where all the noise and my private moments are shown to the public eye of my family members. You're right, I don't have a proper bedroom to decorate it my style, and I can't even masturbate. To be honest, I don't know who I am at this point. I begged them for my privacy and peace of mind 10 years ago, and now I'm turning 20, and I still haven't obtained that for myself, which makes me feel disappointed. Granny asked me why I was such an individualist, and nothing in the house belonged to me. I feel bad. (At least my head is over water). I still remember how did I get there. I wasn't home that day, and when I was back from school, I realized my things were moved out of my bedroom without permission. To be frankly, I was guilt tripped. They manipulated me to accept that, because my grandmother feared of being lonely, and when I refused, they told me that I was a selfish person. I've been skipping my antidepressants for days, and I feel pain in my heart every morning I wake up. I had a one-week summer break before the third semester started. Me and Ha - my bestie, went to the mountains and visited a private beach club last week. I tried my first mojito there, it was good. Phuong - another friend of mine, called me from the States and asked if me and Ha were doing fine. We've been an inseparable trio since elementary school, and I hope we can remain close in the future. I still think about my summer fling, whom I met last summer on a dating app. I think I broke his heart. He was too nice for me. We are both child of divorce, but I was too insecure after seeing his family's closeness. I ghosted him on his last day in my country. I still feel guilty of my decision. I wonder who you are right now. Whatever it takes, I hope you can move on from your family and choose yourself. You don't have to be sorry for leaving and growing up. Love, Diane