A letter from Apr 30, 2026

Hi, my doll, I'm not sure what to write to you about but I just want you to know how much I admire your willingness to seek for better. I don't know if better will come or if where you are right now feels like how the past years have felt. I know my heart desires change so badly, a different life, a happier life. wherever you are, however your life looks right now, I'm just so proud of you for the little attempts you've been making. Yes, you had a part in the past, but I'm so proud of how you've made it past all the bad times. You are not a bad person for what has taken place in the past; in fact, the past shouldn't even matter anymore because that is no longer who you are. I hope life has granted you the opportunity to meet new people and be in new spaces. I hope you're surrounded by inspiring newness. I hope you are excited about what you see around you. I hope you feel happy again, and when you look around, you are taken by a sense of joy, you know that feeling. thinking about my 30s scares me, the daunting feeling of being an adult, and this being my adult life scares me. I think about how I want to have my own family and build my OWN life that i can recognise. A life that feels familiar to the life I have always wanted for myself, it scares me because in my current reality, that life feels like nothing but a dream. I hope you've met people who feel like they belong in your life. Dear God, please bless the woman I am writing to right now and the woman I am trying to be. I deserve so much goodness out of life. so much love, so much happiness. I know I'm not your best bet because I don't exhibit high drive, nor am I able to change my mind overnight to change my life. I know I hold on too much to the past, I care too much about who I used to be and who I used to have in my life. I know I don't have an unwavering belief in myself. I know I keep myself stuck in places that no longer exist. I know I'm not living, but please do a big one for me. I'm scared of being in the 30s with no partner and no kids, a job that doesn't pay well. I ask for ease and rest and calmness in my life. I know my efforts aren't enough, I know you probably aren't even there to do anything for me. But I am trying, and I know almost never enough, and if my trying is not enough, then it's not enough, but I still have hope. I can't go into my 30's and be miserable. My heart is open to newness and new beginnings, fully. To me, in a couple of months, I love you and keep faith, love, I know its hard, but keep faith. I love you. From me.