A letter from Jun 29, 2025

Dear FutureMe, Sup negra 😊👍 honestly i just need to vent cos im tired like tired tired. not even cz of school anymore which is making me feel worse cz wym wala naman akong workloads but im tired? san ba ako pagod? actually, sa maraming bagay—im super tired like literally sa paghahanap ng school, si tita jane kasi is stepping up para magsupport sa studies ko. nakakahiya and medyo nakaka ewan kasi i really don't know what to do, wala akong gusto e, wala akong pangarap so anong pipiliin ko. gusto ko sana magwork kasi di ko rin alam san magsisimula. im worrying of both school and work na wala naman ako at the same time. should i pursue bsba hrm? that's the closest id get sa psychology e pero wala akong any idea abt sa future ko with that prog. how bout bsba fm? mas wala akong idea sa kabuuan. eh kung ituloy ko AB Eng which im actually interested in kaso parang mas walang future bwbdbsbdbdb. sa school naman im like 12 hours nag search ng schools na may below 30k tuition fee na matino kahit papaano which sounds impossible elmaw. NCBA is kinda at the top of my list, may bsba hrm around 24k+ ang tuition and bandang cubao. downside is yung old facilities and conservative pa rin leche bawal hair color. PSBA school ni elren around 30k+ ang tuition okay raw, no unif, not against sa hair color 😋😋😋. downside is idk kasi sabi ni elren wag so idk lahat naman may downside. OLFU malapit lang kaso bsba fm lang ang meron and i have no idea sa teaching nila ron 🤣 around 30k+ din tf kasu may uniform and bawal ata light hair color heh no fun. NU trisem may unif and bawal hair color but around 20k+ lang din tf. marami rin negative reviews so idk 😔 kinda known so idk if diploma mill sila and overcrowded. or should i work na lang talaga para naman magkaron na ako ng kwenta. i want my own money rin **** for whoever's sake im 20 yrs old. i kinda wanna help at least one of our bills ako magsagot then mag iipon and mabibili ko na wants ko. i really wanna cosplay soooo baddddd. but yeah if working, i really need to learn to step out of my comfort zone cz i need help l, i really don't know where to start. honestly sa lahat naman, i feel so ******* lost. only if i know how to ask for help, only if there's someone who i can rely to. i mean i have sean but idk he's also still in my level and he has his own boat to drive and he needs me too to help him navigate. emotionally yes he can distract me so im thankful for him. these moments are making me hate them more i mean us. if they only also make me their priority, or at least gave thei best to do their ******* responsibilities to provide for my education, I won't be like this. i have so much potential, i know i can be better, i know i can do better but i didn't because of my lack of trust sa sarili ko. now that im actually ready, it's too late. im in so much pain for someone who's full of love (my boyfriend) he's enough but i also need support from those na responsibility ang i support ako in all aspects especially financially. well whatever it is, my decision now will reflect where you are now. don't hate me for what im bout to choose but honestly I won't blame you. i hope youre in good place 💕