A letter from the past |

Dear FutureMe, let me tell you... I don't have expectations, and will be open to what comes my way. I certainly want to face my mental fears and it is the reason I am doing this. The physical challenge is a part of it, and I really do have a fear that I have come all this way and not succeed the complete walk. I have always felt broken, and that I did not belong. I am not sure why I feel the Camino De Santiago should fix this but I am hoping to seek some answers or clarity on why I am who I am. I hope along the way that I can change my personality, by letting go the anger ( which I do not know why it's there, have had it all my life ). I want to be more understanding of others and not place my expectations of what I expect them to be or do. I really think that what I hope is to come back a more understanding person in general. I sincerely hope that by completing this I can look back and tell people you can do and be anything you want, you just have to persevere, its worth it. My life at the moment is defined by unpredictability and anger, my decision making can be questionable and I regret a lot of it after the event. How I would love to change this. I hope the future holds for me a more predictable, less angry and quiet life without to many issues that I have mainly created myself. I want to leave a lot behind, I cannot change what I have done. I also want to find some sort of freedom from my emotions. I cry a lot, I can't seem to control it. I would love to be free of that. I am not doing this just to say I did the Camino De Santiago, I came for a reason. I need help and I hope it comes from this, even in a small way. It would help. I so want to change the road ahead compared to the life I have left or are leaving behind. Pat