A letter from Apr 11, 2026

Dear FutureMe, Always pause and wonder if I am tempting fate to assume there is a future, that things will truck along comme d'habitude and there will be no apocalyptic events - figuratively or literally. Middle East fighting nothing new and trying not to pay attention though in the night/morning read a substack article about James Baldwin and anti-semitism in context of people blaming Israel for our involvement in this war I suppose, I don't know. Think I'm ready to move my attention elsewhere from the -isms and in general how awful humans can be. The girl on the reel with all the health issues - frame as "figure it out". This morning baked sourdough I prepped yesterday. Decided guiltily not to take Trey to scouting for food today. Excuses. Barely read school notifications now. Think it doesn't make much of a difference, it didn't, being involved in PTA, all the hours volunteered, being in the classroom, helicoptering over homework, yelling at the kids, I don't know - maybe just justifying my laziness as a parent. Reading (re-reading?) Take Care of Mom for Me. All the virtue and pure love and sacrifice, feel bad about myself but also, oh well. Planting this month dad's garden. 2 calls to paramedics. They are still somehow managing. Other people's lives, also try not to pay attention. Another substack article about unrealistic expectations we have of relationships (compared to porn). Provided some solace as our 20th anniversary approaches. It's fine. Pico laser this week, second of third, and last night first time trying Angel Lift. My face. My neck. What happened? Menopause. Haven't had my period now in several months. My hair falling out. Need to go to the gym. Last day of phase 2 (Bony to Bombshell). An accomplishment! It's April, losing momentum though with shuffling and steps. "Plateau"? French too, losing momentum. Did taxes, need to file. Expecting large refund. Sourdough smells so good, that first bite of toasted slice with cold butter. Recalled telling Ian he smelled like fresh bread and he said that was so nice. Wonder how he is. OK, I need to go to the gym. Hope you are well. Hope all is well in your world. Can only hope. That like from Joy Luck Club. Not expect, hope. Nearing holiday season for you. Nearing Sawyer's birthday. New school year.