A letter from someone who forgot to write for 2026.

Happy 23rd birthday, my love. Did I absolutely not read the last birthday email and noticed it two months before your birthday for 2026? Yes, sorry. The email from 2024 was honestly touching. I seem a little embarrassed to be vulnerable, and it also a little too self aware to be funny. Takes the edge and cynicism off my swag. Actually, I have work tomorrow morning. But I just wanted to take the time to send an email your way, just to honour the tradition. Justin Bieber is playing btw and we both know how music tingles my mood. 2025 was an amazing year, mainly because I could focus on myself without the horrid distraction of being infatuated by another person. Sad to say I'm back on that now, with an unresolved and unrecovered crush from the past. We both **** well know who the hell he is. But, if you're still stuck up on him like, right now? At least grow the **** balls to get rejected a second time. Rejection is a social construct, and people fear it because it makes them feel alone. And you're not, even if you feel like it sometimes. More importantly, don't yearn on your **** birthday. Literally so embarrassing. I know we have a lot of lessons in love to learn about, but don't worry about it. There's always a million opinions: You focus too much on work, you're avoiding your feelings. You dwell on your feelings, you're betraying yourself. Bunch of *********. Do whatever the **** you want, as long as you do it with that **** sickening soft heart of yours. No lover in this lifetime? Take it as a blessing. Reality is always ********, and we like our own company a little too much to shift our focus on romance. If it happens, it happens. We're smart enough to be picky now. Just don't dive into something you don't actually want on impulse. You have a crazyyyyy lack of impulse control babes. Your rap sheet is NOT impressive. Anyways, was Japan fun? Did you cry by the beach like you envisioned to all those years ago? How did that feel? And also, if you didn't get the BTS tickets, don't worry. They have a million other stops, and we both know **** well we'll be doing everything to get inside at least one stadium. It's crazy to think how much a mindset and perspective can shift in a year, isn't it? Just two years ago we were still dealing with the anger and resentment, but now, it's a bittersweet memory. We both know why. The trauma lingers, and that's okay. We can call it trauma. Many people experience it, and we learn to cope. The fact you laughed at a photo of you two you found when cleaning your room a few weeks ago proved that. If I haven't said it enough, I'm so proud of you, my dear. Look at where you are, aced your final year, did all the damage control unmedicated. Crazy stuff babes. Go to the psychiatrist if you haven't. You need it to clear yourself for the mental health aspects of those Masters applications. And if you didn't get accepted into that school, it's cool. Cry for 30 minutes and then keep your sights on options. Many pathways to a single goal, right? (We have a list of backup options in your journal.) Don't forget that. **** societal perceptions of value through alphabetical and numerical scales. But actually, do care, because losers say that as an excuse for being bad at something. And you're no **** loser, just look forward and don't dwell. You dwell a lot more than you lead on. Is being critical a form of self love or self loathing? You tell me next year. Anyways, annual compliments are for those that don't give it to themselves everyday. And I know you got a big fat ego now. You're a baddie anyways. But don't forget your foundations. Failure gave you that ego, just don't get it over your head. Back to the thing I refuse to say aloud, please grow some balls to talk to him. Don't impulsively confess again like some ******* delusional daydreaming coward. Do the work, and if it don't work out, buy yourself something to remind yourself you're still alive despite the emotional turmoil. And if it does work out, maybe not by your birthday but, maybe give him a peck on my behalf? I love a cute loser too like...? Don't leave me out. If you're still yearning bro... respectfully please shut the **** up about it I think your friends might take you out this time. Anyways, for your birthday this year, can you promise us something? Pick up that **** guitar and learn it? Your brain is already deteriorating from all that nicotine and bipolar ******** and you still want to push it back further? You got an estimate of 67 (nice) years of life btw. A decade of procrastinating and you still on your bs. Music can be enjoyed by listening, but you want more than that. You've always been ambitious, albeit with no basis last time. But now, you have no excuses. Again, happy birthday btw. Not too sorry about the unsolicited advice and comments. Tell me you peaked this year, take a bunch of hot pics to remind yourself u fine as hell. Use #narcissism too, please. That is if you choose to share your face to the internet that takes it and uses it for generative AI development. And thank your amazing family for this milestone. Every year you live like this is a gift from people that really do love you for you, even if bound by familial obligations. They're amazing, we love them. You don't need that reminder, right? Before I regret this tomorrow morning, Keep going. Keep being ambitious. Keep having a heart. Keep hating on the modern world. Keep being that cynical hate-filled softie you actually are. It's about time you embrace it. You're such an annoying paradox, and you're lucky your parents actually find you irritatingly charming. Let's hope they're not the only ones that tolerate you (mentioned with love btw). Wouldn't having a twin be so nice right now? I just know you'd both get into so much ********. Maybe the universe nuked that concept because two of you would be lethal damage to anything you touch. The photos would've been cool though. Matching outfits since birth hello??? Our bio dad got some regular smhegular *** sperm cells. Could've penetrated that egg with more effort. That's how twins are made right? I kinda forgot. Speaking of bad memory, are you going to print these emails hello? Wtf you said you'd do that 5 years ago. I think I've said enough... maybe not enough actually we love oversharing to the wind. You're born to yap tbh... Ok real note um don't eat cake you don't really like it anyway just get a beverage you're obsessed with at the moment and call it a day. No parties. I hate socialising with people. Maybe that's why you bored as hell right now. Okok bye twin love you see you next year don't ******* die omg Xoxo, 3:40AM Sarah that has to be up by 7:50AM tomorrow. *******. Bye bb. Listen to more Usher.