A letter from Mar 23, 2026

Dear future me, I'm writing this letter in response to a task from the AJEDI training I am doing right now. As I start to write, I am asking myself to be forgiving, non-perfectionist and to write exactly what comes to me. Even if that is a bit jumbled or confused. So future me, please forgive me too. I've been reading about the characteristics of white supremacy. You can read them again here if you need a refresher: https://www.whitesupremacyculture.info/characteristics.html I'm feeling a mixture of conflicting emotions. Uplifted, inspired, hopeful. I feel connected to what has been suggested and I crave the possible world it has painted for me and for my community. But at the same time there is a fear that my relationship with some of these characteristics are so ingrained in who I am as a person. And I feel shame about that too. The huge irony there is fear is one of the first things on that list. And fear is what I feel the most. Fear is what drives the perfectionism, the either/or mindset, the worship of the written word, the aversion to open conflict, the individualism. It isolates me and it makes me feel ashamed. The hopeful thing here is that addressing this fear will so clearly liberate me as well as build towards collective liberation. That is a beautiful hope to have. So here are some things I want to work on these next few months (and no doubt will need to continue to work on for years, maybe a lifetime). 1/ Face the fear. Don't run from it. Embrace the discomfort and the possibility that your judgement of danger was wrong, or disproportionate. That's not to say you shouldn't trust yourself - but the fear isn't always working in your favour. That seems like an impossible line to toe, but we've got to try. 2/ Think about where your perfectionism comes from, and what it is defined by. And how does that influence your team, your colleagues, your relationships and your community. Try to let go. Try to embrace care, compassion and the process of trying instead. 3/ Create more opportunities where you can connect with people, even when their is fear of your/their difference, and fear of the unknown. It will be nourishing and it will be good for you. This all sounds very self-serving, but in a weird kind of loop, you are pre-occupied with yourself when you are held so tightly by fear and shame. And by nurturing yourself, you are going to be way more likely to be able to nurture the world around you. With love, past you P.s. you will always be alright