A letter from Mar 20, 2026

Dear My future Wariu, I am writing this letter not on a good day. Today you called me and had a bad day. Your Kuka had passed, you just found out Aldi might not sponsor your visa and you tried calling me - I wasn't giving the call the attention it deserved. I tried talking to you at Apo but you were non-verbal and asked for space. Now it is 1am and I still can't sleep thinking about you. I just woke up from a bad dream. In the dream I find out that due to the hurt I caused, you had gone and cheated with someone else. This really hurt me and I started being violent with this friend. On it's own, it is just a bad dream but I am seeing a deeper pattern here. I love you and it scares me. To the core. Scared loving and caring about someone so much can cause me to act out in this way. The entire day I have thinking how I want you in my life and never want us to go through such. I want to give you the world. When that ends I will sign up on data camp and learn how to create others. I pretend to be non chalant but I learnt chess, linkenin games just to attempt to be good enough for you. Yet, I never wanted you to know this. Because I was scared this would give you power over me. I am sorry & I love you. I hope to live each day proving to you that I do. And on days where I fail (which I hope remain minimal), I hope this letter serves as comfort that this is true. I want you in my life. I want to take care of you. Yours truly, Samaki