A letter from Mar 14, 2026

Dear K, Hello! This is you from six months ago, the 14th of March 2026. Hope you are doing well! It's an interesting time at the moment. You've just moved into an apartment in Bologna and it was a bit rough to get started. There was a good bit of mould which made you question whether it had been worth it. I suppose that's the general theme at the moment, one of questioning things. You dropped off the cards to D and even after stopping to write more you felt as though you didn't write enough. You also know that there could never be enough, both because of the endless depth of feelings and sentiments that she will (and didn't) ever hear because of your (then, hopefully) inability to speak about your emotions and your stuck-in-your-own-headedness, but also the limitations of two smuggled ramen cards from that Istanbul. I should have taken three. There's also the question of how you've been feeling with regards to your gender identity. You know as well as I that the thoughts we have on a daily basis are not conducive to happiness. You can change this, you're in a unique position to be able to do such a thing. I'm sure you've mentioned this to our therapist but in case you haven't, this is you from now telling you that you probably won't ever be happy and you will continue to hurt others passively and actively by doing so. I'm not going to force you to do something drastic, but I implore you to explore the idea with our therapist, just a little. If you've already done all this, congrats! You have no idea how happy you from sixth months ago is. Relationships. Right now, it's all really awkward. We interact somewhat with someone we had a short fling with, who also happens to be your colleague at the student organisation you're in. The fling was fine, but ended so abruptly . You did the same thing you (used to, or else) always do where you are impulsive and don't think about others' feelings. It's a ****** thing to do, made worse when you're forgiven despite having barely changed. My problems spill out onto others, but that doesn't absolve me or you of having done them. You need to have a proper talk with A about that. Furthermore, your relationship with N is a bit strange, no? You keep putting yourself down thinking that the only reason they like you is because you were the first partner, but that surely can't be true? I don't know if your relationship works for other reasons but still. Stop doubting yourself so much, dislike and act on the parts of you that you are bad and stop trying to hyperoptimise your life thinking that's where the faults lie. I know that there are doubts as to whether "changes" or new relationships are running away, but try and show those around you that you care, because you do, you just really struggle with your own insecurities and it makes you run away. Stop running, take a breath, and ask your friends questions. Your memory. Your memory is terrible. Actually horrible. It's a latent ****** at the moment too because you can't remember details about people around you or what happened in the past. Memories come to you at night and for a fraction of a minute they paralyse you, but the time for action has gone and come morning the deeper insights are gone. If you think that this is happening again, start recording notes just before you sleep. Finally, how are things? Have you made progress with Italian and French? Did you meet the Australian? How's Alo, take care of him. Have you explored Bologna? Are you better with friends? Have you found your niche skill? Have you internalised reducing friction in your ambitions? Did you find some volunteering work? How's it going? Are you on your way to becoming a polyglot? Have you ever written about why you want that? What's the job sitch looking like? Did H ever get back to you? Reach out to G too while you're at it. Help J more, they really need it. Read, read, read more than ever before, but I'm sure you're doing well. Remember, you're doing this so that you can help others and understand how the world works, the more you do, the more you can relate to everyone's interests. Don't forget to read philosophy too. Take care of yourself, don't push yourself so hard you break, and figure out what Y meant by those tarot card readings, they hit awfully close to home no? Sincerely, you.