A letter from Mar 03, 2026

Dear FutureMe, Dear future, it is me from the past I am going to send this to you in May because that’s when we are dawning upon the end of this semester. I on antidepressants I feel better. I’m redoing my my second year basically my exams for an absolute disaster. We are still going through financial disaster there’s so many things so many things to say so many things that don’t matter that doesn’t matter so many things I wanted to happen that I just not gonna happen that cut so much shame so much discomfort so much. Everything I wanna die I don’t wanna exist. I’m like feeling so many big emotions at once. It is so overwhelming. This is eight days before your period and everything is just a ******* mess and I’m trying to fix it. I’m just a 21 year-old girl who’s just going through the motions of life and it’s ******* in the *** but I have to like get my **** together if I wanna finish this degree by next year I need to get my **** ******* together, babe. I’m aiming to get some distinctions that I really hope that happens. I really hope you ended on a good note or just **** yourself. Honestly, you just die because Girl is just worse and older are you? There’s nothing much happening in my life as usual no potential of interest no new characters nothing to look forward to my Limerence is and quite frankly, I just don’t even think I give a **** and I don’t know like I just I don’t know we’re getting older **** is getting real fatigue. I’m so tired of myself. I’m so tired existing as myself and I know that something is fundamentally wrong with me because you can’t **** up the speed times i’m having so many heavy feelings so many and I just don’t even know how to like unpack them dissect them it’s so much and so little at the same time everything is so much everything feels like a performance. Everything feels like I’m putting on a start. Everything feels like everyone knows there’s something wrong with me and it’s just me. I am gonna try my best from here right now Do you have some help which is in the form of my medication financially I don’t even believe anymore that things are gonna look up I just don’t believe that anymore. I just I don’t trust that Mom is going for surgery everything just ******* hurts and I don’t know what to do about it. I’m drunk as ****. I look ugly as ****. My clothes are ugly as ****. My grades are ugly as ****. My will live is low as ****. I don’t know I really don’t even know that I wish you could just hear the exasperation. I just wish I’d gotten the help that I needed way before this. I wish I did. I think you should’ve changed things for me a lot because this ******* sucks babe. This ******* sucks so bad it’s not not wanting to. It’s not a carelessness. It’s inability like a disability but like in my mind like my mind is ******. This is me being like so honest and a lot like romanticizing **** because there’s nothing to romanticize this is not on some life sucks right now and I hope you’re having a good time and I hope things looked up for you. I stopped saying that **** like nine months ago when **** just went down and it just kept getting worse. December had a bit of December like holding a bit then I realize that **** is ******. This **** is ******. I barely react to things. I barely have emotions. I barely have things I look up to. I barely have anything. I’m just so ******* tired of this earth. I’m so tired of this earth babe like I wish I had the balls to leave. I wish I could just **** myself right now, but I’m so scared but I don’t wanna be here. I really don’t wanna be here. Lord knows. I hate that here. I hate that you’re so bad. I just wanna die. Everything sucks and I’m a failure. Everyone hates me and I hate myself. I’m a unreliable person and adult and and ****. Just always goes. Left. My period is in eight days, I don’t ******* broke everyone this ******* broke. Sometimes I feel so ugly. I keep comparing myself to light skin. I don’t know what’s up with that. I almost cried. I wish I could convey to you with my tone just how ******* tired I am but I do love you. I always have always will just hate living. I hate myself. I hate the way I am. I hate the way things are I hate everything. I hate everyone. I hate it so much. **** I don’t know what else to put. I don’t feel close to anyone no one else it’s just how much I struggle with my own I don’t feel comfortable expressing myself to anyone I get sick of people sometimes I hate myself most of the time and I want to die so bad this is me from the past to the future and telling you to end your **** ***** if it’s not better ******* die ***** what the **** are you waiting for but I love you. I always have I always will. You’re so ****** in the head but show me you get me understand me cause you’re me and I love you you’re me doesn’t get any. Closer than that **** **** you ***** I love you.