A letter from Jan 22, 2026

Dear FutureMe, It's January 22, 2026. I feel so strange. I feel unfocused and unteathered in a strange way. My health is not good. In short I've been dealing with GI issues on a pretty much daily basis since my birthday. It got worse over Thanksgiving, and for a week from January 14th till pretty much yesterday I would sick after every single meal I eat....I have such low energy, I felt so week but now I am back to only feeling sick in the morning and at night which is progress. I've been eating dariy-free on top of the GF, I wasn't eating any processed sugar. Now I am have so much hunger but also no food sounds good. Anyways, my health is just straight up annoying but I want people to know because it's really taking away from me connecting with friends or having motivation to do really anything. I feel kind of like a shell of a person. My parents think the GI stuff is all related to anxiety because I have so many worries with everything happening in the US and abroad. To briefly summarize those worries, ICE and every disgusting thing they do, seeing how ignorant/racist people support ICE, how cruel these white christian nationalists can be, smart people I grew up with me just absolutely spiraling into becoming a bigot, AI data centers, billionars and AI tech bros being in bed with politicans, whatever is under the east wing of white house, draught, coral reefs become extinct, climate change, oil industry greed, the gasligting, survaliance state, Stephen Miller gross, TN legislation, the big dumb hole, everything happening in Sudan, Palestine, Congo, Iran, so much suffering, so much greed. These billionaires build bunkers to protect themselves from the masses but if they just stopped existing and the average joe wasn't struggling just to survive, they wouldn't need a bunker. So in short, I am anxious. I want to do wedding planning, I want to punch an ICE agent in the face and break their teeth, I want to feel well in my body. I am also anxious thinking about the future. I told Owen I'd give Nashville 5 years, we are coming up to 3 in July. I feel like time is slipping through our fingers. Nothing feels easeful here. I really want Owen to feel like our time here was everything he wanted it to be, I want to feel like even if we move his music isn't done not does it have to be done here. like he could travel back here for gigs. I just am in another lonely phase here. I am also trying to connect but **** it takes a lot of effort. I try. I see myself getting jealous of the mutual friends I have here when they hangout without me. I toally get it, they all do music, they all longboard, I am just so envious of having a go to friend. Harriet was that, and it so lovely but brief. She will always be my friend it's just different with her in New York. I miss all of my friends. I get really anxious thinking about where we will live next and if it will create rifts between friends on where we choose. IDK. I just have no peace with this. I really want to live in community with friends. Even if it's a 5 minute drive. I'd love to live closer. Keiko keeps saying come to Richmond. If that's the right city for us I want it to be easeful for us to get there. I only hesitate because beside her and Wonjea we have no other connections there and she is always talking about moving-which I get they could easily go back to Korea. Richmond could be great, it's such a nice city and in a blue state so not perfect but way less to worry about from a governent standpoint. I also day dream about Durham, and the mountains. I just want to pick a place that makes sense for O and I and we can start a family at with lots of support and he can still do music. I just loved to live in a place that my friends are my neighbors are near by. I don't want to start over, and I want to live in community and not be so lonely. I should do things here in the meantime to not be so lonely. I thought about hosting a craft day but it's hard to know if people are free on the weekend being artists and all. Idk i'll think of something. I hope by the time I read this I feel more at ease and peace with things. Xxox, love from me to me.