A letter from the past |

Dear me I hope you’re ok and not taking summer chem. Charlie just passed on January 12. Only a few moments after I got to school. I am not ok and not in peace. The past few days is a cycle between crying, panicking, feeling ok and then feeling guilty for being ok. I hope you’re ok. And more importantly I hope coco is ok. I don’t know if having another dog will help her. It’s not time yet. I’m just scared the loneliness will be her doom. And I can’t loose another dog. Mom wants to put away Charlie’s stuff and I can’t stand it. I know she needs to do it for her and I won’t argue. But I need to see his bowl, beds and little reminders of him over spring break. I hope your at peace with what happens after we die, and that you firmly believe that we will see Charlie and Molly after *****. If I can firmly believe that I will see them again, I can be at peace with almost everything-especially *****. I also hope you don’t feel like going away to school ruined everything. I love our friends so much and I’m so grateful for them. But I can’t help but think I might feel better being in sun everyday, and that Charlie might have lived better, and if not coco would be less lonely. The homesickness reset after break and I can’t wait for summer. This might be the hardest month of my life. I think I believe in god. Because when we were up all night with Charlie last week, the moment I prayed he would lay down he did and slept for hours. And when I prayed we wouldn’t lose him later that day we didn’t. And when I was writing this and starting to cry Riley B came in and made my stomach hurt laughing. And it must be a sign of a higher power protecting me. Maybe I was meant to stay home and maybe I am meant to be here and you can decide that when you get this