A letter from Jan 02, 2026

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Isnt it crazy how far we've come? The is the sixth year I'm writing. I remember that I was scared you wouldn't remember who Erell was in the first one because of how far my eighteenth birthday seemed, and now I'm scared you'll remember every single word I'm writing right now because of how close it is,,, crazy In every letter, I've been asking YOU questions, so I thought I should switch it up and say what I'm grateful for this time. I'm really grateful for testosterone and I can't wait for top surgery. I hope we managed to find the money and do it in the summer. I'm grateful the only thing that's missing for the surgery is the money. I'm grateful for my amazing, life-changing friends. Sasha gave me her Beatles bag a few days back and I've worn it every day so far. I told Noyaux about my OCD and it felt really nice. It always feels nice talking to her and she's the most comforting person I've ever met. I'm really happy to see Enzo be with her, because he genuinely seems to be happier than ever in that aspect. I hope his mental health will get even better and well all love happily every after (okay man). I was really stressed out about going to Zoe's nye party because of the whole alcohol thing, and because I didn't know anyone, and I ended up laughing harder than I've ever laughed with Connor and Ralph and Teïva about chocolat bref and everyone was so nice. It was wonderful and I'm grateful that I went even though I was stressed. I'm grateful that I talked to Naïg again because I missed her a lot. It may never be the same again, but that means it can be even better, right? And if it's not, at least we tried. I'm grateful for all the parties I went to in 2025 and even for my mediocre first kiss. I'm grateful that I got better with alcohol and I'm grateful for the experience of drinking too much. I'm grateful my dad trusts me with his house and I'm so happy about the week I just spent all alone there!! I'm grateful for Madrid and for seeing Maxence play live and for Radiohead and for all of the music. I hope I never stop discovering new things, living new experiences and loving music. Ok this one is kind of weird but I'm so grateful for heated rivalry. Not only is it a great show but I mean that I'm grateful we live in a society where these kinds of shows can air and be loved by so many people!! I've been thinking about how things probably haven't changed much between now and when you receive this letter because it's less than a year but then I thought about the difference between 2020 me and 2021 me so. Maybe everything's totally different. And maybe it's not and both options seem wonderful! YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IVE BEEN GRATEFUL FOR AND I CANT BELIEVE I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT IT!!! IM GRATEFUL ABOUT FINDING OUT WHAT MY GENUINE SMILE LOOKS LIKE IN 2025!!!! AND MY GENUINE LAUGH!!!! IVE BEEN SMILING AND LAUGHING SO DIFFERENTLY FOR A FEW MONTHS BECAUSE I'M ACTUALLY HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so grateful I get to see this. I'm so grateful to be hopeful and I'm grateful for how much I believe things will turn out good for me. I'm grateful for the bad days because they make the good days even better. Life is good and I hope you agree. I hope you remember this for as long as you live and it's okay if you don't because it'll always come back. I'm grateful that you're reading this. You've made it to eighteen, Max, and I know for a fact that you know how crazy it is. How crazy it's been. How long it's been and how long we have left to find out even more about ourselves and do what we want to do with our life. I'm very hopeful that you won't succumb to the pressure everyone is putting on you right now to figure stuff out because eighteen is so YOUNG!!! And after YEARS of living through hell and everyday being harder than the last and so many suicide attempts you DESERVE a lot of rest!!! Everyone is trying to hold you to the same standard to people who never had to fight to open their eyes everyday, you've spent so much more energy than the majority of people. Listen to yourself and you'll figure it out in your own time. Okay, a lot of gratefulness all around now let's throw some HOPELESSNESS no I'm kidding the only thing I'm mad about as of right now is how **** the last season of stranger things was like the queerbait is ******* INSANE. by the way you're from the future so maybe you know are Finn wolfhard and noah schnapp dating or is that queerbait too??? I'm trying to match the first letter's 1085 words but I realise how many that is. I hope I didn't write too much useless stuff, although I also think I hope I wrote a bunch of it because that would summarise me pretty well. I probably wrote about how I found out about this project, and I remember talking about my friends at school. I probably wrote about starting middle school because I was almost done with my first year of it (I think). I might have written about my family. Am I right or did I write about something totally different? Are you starting with the most recent letter and going down memory lane or are you going from oldest to newest and reliving teenagehood one last time? Not that you're not a teen anymore, but you know what I mean. Tell me, how bittersweet is it leaving this all in the past? Is it just sweet as **** because of all the **** we went through? Are you opening these letters and thinking "oh thank the good Lord this is over"? I don't think you are,,, I've known you as long as you've known yourself after all. Which I realise is a short time, or maybe I still don't know myself at all and maybe you've realised we're way more lost than I thought. Are you totally stressed out about the future and moving out and whether to take the kittens with you? I'll admit, I can't wait to move out but I still don't know how I'll manage with the pets. Ponyo is obviously coming with us if God allows him to see me turn eighteen. We grew up together. And I think Spotty would be so so sad without me but she'd be sad without her brothers and four pets in my first ever home alone is a whole lot. I think I could manage, but it'd be hard. And probably tight in a little one-person apartment. Hope you figured that out. Would you look at that, more than 1100 words!!! I thought that goal wasn't reachable. I thought a lot of things weren't reachable, and yet, so I should probably start having more faith. I think it's really poetic how many things about these letters can be compared to how I am as a person. Anyways, I won't bother you anymore. Don't be too nostalgic, have a banging birthday ❤️❤️❤️❤️ love you and don't get dumb tattoos alright stick to the ones we've been thinking about You from a few months ago