A letter from Dec 03, 2025

Happy 17th Birthday. If you're reading this, and you're me- I'm proud of you. If you're reading this, and you're not me- I'm sorry about what I did. It's currently December 3rd 2025, at around 25 to 9 in the evening. I'm crying. My hands are shaking, and I've got ANC on listening to a video convincing me not to do it. I don't think I would actually do it. But if you're reading this, and you're not me, then I probably did. I'm struggling right now. The feeling in the back of my throat is threatening to become a permanent presence. I wish this letter wasn't focusing on this, but I want you (me) to know how far you've come if you're reading this in 2026. The 2020s, man... what a **** bunch of years, and we're only halfway through. 2020 was one of the worst years of my life. I don't think we'll ever forget what happened. 2021 I had hope. Childish, misplaced hope. That went quickly, and in 2022 it was gone completely. 2023 was... alright. 2024 was the second worst year. And 2025... nothing big and bad and scary has happened. But a lot of things have changed, and a lot of things have collapsed, and I don't really have any sort of support network anymore. I think that 2025 is the first year since 2020 that I've seriously contemplated this. I'm going to try and change next year. My 30 minute walk to college shouldn't be the best part of my day. For your sake, I'm going to try. Try to be better, try to just... try harder. Get a hobby, be more honest with people when I'm struggling. Hey, at least that's one thing I know I'm good at- I come across as the happiest, bubbliest, most honest and sweet person ever. No one would ever guess that I want to hurt myself. Maybe that makes it worse. Maybe I want someone to be able to look through the fakeness and see me, the real me. I don't know where I'm going with this, and I'll probably write another letter, but I just want you to know that I hope that you're doing better now. (P.S. Don't forget to live. We may be reincarnated, but our name in this lifetime is pretty awesome and it would be pretty dumb to waste it on becoming a statistic or a boring life.)