A letter from Nov 17, 2025

morning shi its 8:07am youre the first person i communicate with this morning just read the last future me letter honestly really cool to read things are totally different now and i see a beautiful youth in my past words that isnt missing now but its shifted maybe a little where do i start about this year i feel i made no real attempt to love myself actually except for now for this month im trying what good is it to walk around comparing and hating yourself you know enough to know its no good at all it wont help you it wont save you i was spiraling thinking **** am i a horrible person? the answer is maybe the answer is it doesnt matter its not time to focus on others and easing their load and making them happy its time to be selfish and lift yourself up its not as if im going around with my head hanging no one can tell ive had a shot to the confidence especially since ending my friendship with sammy i dont need to say much about him tbh hes rotten and you knew it when you met him and thats that actions have consequences you ****** around and found out its fine you loved him and i think i still do you were lonely and needed him he needed you too its okay that it ended good even i think the last letter was from march so maybe i'll start from there i think its cute i was hoping for a merit but i got a distinction and an award for it from aber or maybe i waw just being fake humble so march i think it was just all about finishing the project and hanging out with sammy i think we were both busy with our respective projects at this time my memory of this time is not good but i remember seeing nafeesa after breaking up it was a nice summer i think and i started working i think the week after college ended genuinely i forgot all about that until just now so june i remember working just a couple hours a day had this manager who was definitely a bit of an *** but literally arent they all he gave me grace for being a ****** worker because he was attracted to me thats fine with me my job performance will always be **** work is boring as hell but i was grateful and happy to have a job especially as i had been broke ane hungry before i wasn't exactly starving but i wasnt exactly not starving anyways july was probably more of the same getting drunk and high with sammy at his place i still loved him much but i started to like him gradually less and less i think late july we stopped being friends hmm or maybe it was august well in july i met danny on a dating app and we started talking i think we met for the first time in august by then my friendship with sammy had ended i needed something a distraction initially it was pain i saught i was badly withdrawing from my ssris and i wanted to feel something i dont think i ever liked danny but he symbolised things to me almost a ********** father figure weird to say but being 18 and letting a 33 (now 34) year old man be your first kiss will never not be strange promise me you wont sleep with him please just dont what comes after august? actually in august is when pershore college called me up and was like hey we told you months ago but your course isnt running anymore i was very sad and cried for a minute before calling up aber and asking them about clearning i applied to aber through clearing and since im now lying in my bed in pjm its safe to say i made it not hard anyways moving was moving and obviously tiring but not at all emotionally painful its good to be away from ugly birmingham and overwhelming family i want to most of the freshers events for freshers week but it was quite lonely as i knew no one im still kinda lonely here but at least i know a few more people and kinda have a couple friends umm also in august i broke up with danny and then drunk texted him 10 days later we're still talking but he has to to soon hes just a weirdo thats all i have to say but he fills some kinda void and because he wants to sleep with me hes good at pretending to care about what i have to say or show him this is what i mean when i say i made no attempt to love myself self loving people dont settle for this ******** soo yeah september was fine just started out yk october was halloween obviously went out for that made a couple friends i quite like angels theyve got some nice stuff going on there i dressed as freddy kreuger for halloween i also still have a crush on alfred lol at this time since the first ag social anyways what else yeah october jus drinkin goin out whatever found a plug even november less intimidating than last year my mums coming for my birthday which im not excited about because as much as i love her i really cant stand her at all i love and miss my brothers though i think the rave i went to was this month where i made some friends kinda a guy named kian if all goes to plan we'll be going to a rave in brum before christmas im not looking foward to christmas in brum i might only go for a week or 2 exactly just do that shianne why stress i have an eyebrow piercing now and my hair was half red and now fully red and today im dying it a blue black hopefully ooo i need to go lidl today actually then i think i'll dye it when i come back okay thats a shout alright then its 8:30am now so i'll get up in a few mins take care shianne please love yourself