A letter from Nov 14, 2025

Dear FutureMe, I am writing to you after a long break. I wrote to you in the past but two years ago I decided that I will stop doing so. I made that decision because my relationship was going in a bad direction and I knew that it will end at some point and I didn’t want to write anything in case of : A - I write something positive and we break up and the positive memories will be hard to read about later or B - I write the truth, that things are hard and that I am worried about the future but then once the letter comes he will read and break up with me. That’s why I wrote nothing. I am writing to you because I am no longer with him, I broke up with him a month ago and now I can finally be honest. Back when I choose not to write I was still in denial. I had hope that maybe if I don’t talk about what was going on between us, if I ignore the pain, adjust to his rules, his mood swings, his abuse, I will save our relationship. I thought that our love is worth sacrificing everything. Only now I know that it wasn’t love, I lived in a constant cycle of emotional abuse. It’s funny that all my life I was very careful with any substances that could cause addiction and I’ve always declined even a simple cigarette because I knew that I have an addictive personality but I did end up being addicted in an area I never even considered - I ended up being addicted to my ex. The withdrawal from him is hell, I have to constantly fight with my mind and persuade myself that that was a good decision and things would only get worse if I stayed. The past few days I wanted nothing more than to reach out to him, to hear him, to hug him, to touch him, to see his name pop on my screen. Everything is so rough right now and it doesn’t seem like I will catch a break any time soon so I wanted to write to you and tell you that I am trying everything in my power to make you proud and not reach out to him and focus on healing. I hope that my efforts allowed you to feel happy again and that you are feeling better than when we were with him and that you are free. I want you to know that I am doing all of this for you, so you have a chance to feel what a healthy love is, what it’s like to be taken care of and how it feels to simply be excited about life. I hope you managed to pass all the overdue exams that I have and that you started your rotations at the hospital. I also want you to know that it’s okay if you are not fully okay yet, from what my therapist told me it takes quite a bit of time to heal after the things I’ve been through so be kind to yourself. I was debating whether I should send you the list in private but last week I got to meet up with an old friend who’s been in an abusive relationship and for the first time in a month I felt so understood and seen, so I decided to make the list public in hopes that someone else who goes through a similar thing will not feel alone. I think I will end this letter here. I have a lot of other things that I wanted to tell you about but you will have to excuse me as I don’t remember when is the last time I slept properly and even writing this small letter used all of my energy. I am rooting for us. Love you, You form the past.