A letter from Nov 12, 2025

Dear FutureMe, Iv just read the last letter & im not sure how to take it. That was a different time. The pain was immense, but you have been forced to find yourself and in some ways you have. I still think of her daily, but it isn’t entirely grief in the same way it was. Somethings changed, something in me has switched. I don’t miss her anymore, I simply grieve the life I wasn’t able to live. She’s married now, you can’t miss a married woman, you can’t love a married woman. There is no honour in such a life. She belongs to something else. I’m not sure how Iv processed these things, but Iv been forced to. It was inevitable, it had to happen, but she’d been married around a year & Iv no idea how it was so easy for her to go ahead with it. Iv come to understand that whilst for me she was everything, I was simply a dot in her life, nothing of major importance or concern, nor was the time we shared. That is sad, it angers me. To think all that time and effort was placed in this matter for nothing to come from it? No fruit, no glory, simply pain. But in the end we are men & we most strive for honour, because without that, what are we and where are we going ? I am at Parkwood, I did apply there. It’s been a year almost, im days away from completing my ECT. I pray that Allah grants me ease. Ameen. I just completed Umrah during half term, it was the single greatest moment of my life. It upsets me daily that I am no longer there. That city, Madinah, the city of the beloved. What a place it is. I will never be able to express the gratitude of being there & in the Haram. I just pray that Allah invites back to his Haram. Ameen.