A letter from Nov 10, 2025

Hey there, I am sitting alone in Andrea's room, waiting for Monday, waiting to go to work. And I expect it to be a very different feeling now. I did the right thing. And I am incredibly grateful to Andrea for helping me out in this moment. I had to flee from home. My boyfriend says he knew I would do this before I did it. It felt scary and weird to pack my backpack in secret and take the train to the city. I expected things to be worse, but no, it was a breath of fresh air. And instead of him getting angry, he finally listened to me, we finally sat down to talk. That was Saturday. And on Sunday I just went out, I ran, I cycled, I watched people skate, I read a book, and I donated money. I visited a room, very far, but close to the forest. And I saw people, lots of people, and I did not text him. And he wasn't mad. He read me his note over the phone, it was the best thing he wrote to me, he said he should have felt that it is a privilege to be with me, and he has not treated me like it is recently, and he wants to change that. I should not forget these days, the courage it took to do this, how important it is to listen to myself first, how a situation can devolve like this and make me feel like I am in a trench, and then what it takes to get out of it.. And people are nice, they have helped me, they've seen my suffering, they know that I was not myself. And they can tell that it was not my fault, that I am not like this, that it makes sense that I would feel so trapped. I will not be so liberal about my boundaries in the future, I will not let myself be carried away by the current. This weekend I found again my love for life, this feeling that everything is fine, an appreciation for the beauty around me, the knowledge hidden everywhere. I came back to myself. And I feel lucky to have those people in my life, and these possibilities are something that was not just given to me, it happened because I went out there, and I tried, and I was open, and I was being myself. Because I could play and express and draw and run. A boyfriend or whoever should not try to take that away from me. So don't let him. If you are still with him, you know what the right thing is. Just let yourself speak. I know what I saw in my trip, months ago. That I was looking away, I was ignoring what has happening, I was pushing on and hoping, and my feelings for him were being devoured, and the light was fading, and I was looking for him and I couldn't find him, and that was the risk, that I wouldn't feel anything anymore. I am in a way surprised that I got this far. Now it remains to be seen, what is left from that feeling, whether he can stick to what he said, whether I can feel free with him again. How will you be, who will you be with 6 months from now?