A letter from Nov 09, 2025

Dear FutureMe, Today is November 9th, 2025. It's a Sunday at 9:40 am and I am sitting on the couch drinking coffee while John Mayer's love on the weekend plays on repeat. I have been fascinated by this song for the last few days. It's so melodious. It takes me somewhere, I don't know maybe back to the 2010's. The vibe reminds me of college days. I have a date with Nidhi this evening. I have been very anxious about dating for the past couple of years. You must remember this time. I don't know how things would turn out. I feel left out, as if I am missing out on this chapter of my life. I messaged some angry stuff to Lita and blocked her on instagram. There's no point anyway. It always ends this way. Somehow, I saw a post about vegemite and then found a blog from this Australian woman who lived in SF in 2012. Her blog made me think back about that time in my life and how I don't like my 30s. The 20s were so good. It was full of struggle but it was new and I felt I was growing, achieving. I don't feel that way now. Hope things have changed and you feel differently. This year went by so fast. It seems like yesterday when I moved to SF. I was so reluctant to move here. I thought I was going to miss NYC so much and that it was something I truly connect with. I do. But I have come to realize that I like this place too, maybe more. I never (okay, maybe a couple) feel why I live here. I don't feel strayed and anchor-less. I do have the fear of being single forever but I feel I am at the right place. Yet I am still living the city lifestyle. I like it but I need to get back to exploring the outdoors more. I hiked Muir beach with Polina. I like her but she's too old and I don't know if I want that. She's pretty though. I don't feel the desire to steer my life towards some outcome anymore. I always have tried to control my destiny. A fool's errand. I have decided to live in the moment and go with the flow. I will take the choice life provides me and go down the path. For instance: choose the person and build something real. There's a conflicting thought though. There's a rational choice of choosing someone who truly excites me vs someone with right background and age that would make life easier later. It's like SF vs nyc again isn't it. I chose the rational thing and I like where I landed. There's my answer, isn't it. I want to go find my 20s self and live like that again. I hope you're that self.