A letter from Nov 06, 2025

Dear FutureMe, Life finally managed to put me in a corner and write to you. I am on 6% battery on a bus, having just finished watching My Neighbour Totoro with dear Ashraf and listening illegally to LUX by Rosalía. I don’t know how to start. I have always done this as a stream of consciousness, but this time it’s either I am embarrassed or afraid to tell you how I feel. I feel stuck without any direction. I feel like this year I haven’t pushed the pin any further and seem to have dig myself in a deeper hole. On a mental state, I am sort of okay or just pretend. I started medicating myself with Lisdexamfetamine for my ADHD, and honestly, it has helped me a lot. But it made me a bit emotionless or less empathetic, which I actually don’t mind. I have been feeling quite disappointed with my friends, so I feel like that isn’t actually that bad for me. My main focus is myself and my Caio. My light in my dark corner. The only constant variable. My LUX. Does my love know no bounds for that man? I do not know. All I know is, without him, I fall apart. So you better appreciate and kiss him when you read this. On the job front. You are still trying to find a job, and it is not working in your favour. You are applying, but there is no response, and that makes you feel inadequate and a failure. But chin up, you will bootstrap these weeks and apply, apply, apply, and if you have to, you will attend any relevant networking events or certificates. Just don’t give up. There is a plan for you, and you will achieve all you want if you just don’t give up. You might start therapy, so let’s see what that will uncover. I feel like next year will be your year. Hopefully, you will uncover the truth of your inner self, you will have travelled a lot and met Caio’s mom, which is a big thing for you, and hopefully, you will be on 50k, and if not. Thats fine! I am just ambitious. Whatever happens, be kind to yourself and be strong. If not for you, then for me. All our hope rests on you. You have gotten yourself this far, I just know you would push yourself even further with the right opportunities.