A letter from Nov 02, 2025

Dear Future Hannah, Hello, future Hannah. Yesterday was my birthday. I felt sad that day — actually, since the morning. I cried because I asked my friend if we could spend some time together for my birthday, but he said he was sick. I didn’t have any other choice but to spend it alone. I was able to buy my dream jeans and a black skirt, which made me a bit happy, but I still felt lonely. It hurt because I felt like I was asking too much — like I was begging people to celebrate with me. All I wanted was to feel special on my birthday, but I didn’t, and that made me frustrated, disappointed, and sad. I just wanted a simple celebration with the people who matter to me. Me, Jordan, my mom, and my aunt went out for lunch. My sister didn’t come because she’s not on good terms with them right now. She’s still staying with her cheating boyfriend, and I understand why she didn’t want to go. I know she wanted to, but she didn’t want to cause any conflict, so she decided not to. Jordan had work that day. I understand he couldn’t take a leave since a lot of us in the chat team have birthdays in November. Still, I felt sad because it seemed like no one made an effort on my actual birthday. We already celebrated early last October 24 when we went to a luxury spa, but it still felt lonely that no one made me feel special on the day itself — the one day I hoped they would. I had to remind people just to greet me. My boyfriend did make an effort, just not on the actual day. He said he prepared a lot for me but couldn’t give it yet because of work and distance. I understand that, but I wish he had told me that on my birthday — not now, while I’m breaking down and ranting. I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but it was my birthday. Is it really so wrong to want to feel special, even just for one day? I don’t think it is. Maybe this birthday was a reminder to love myself first — to put more effort into myself instead of constantly asking or expecting it from others. I realized I’ve become too reliant on others, especially on my boyfriend, to make me happy. But isn’t that supposed to be part of his role, too? Then again, maybe we’re still in our self-discovery chapter. Perhaps God used that day to remind me to treat myself the way I want others to treat me. If I don’t make myself feel special, how can I expect others to? Still, there needs to be balance — it can’t always be “me, me, me,” because that would be selfish. It’s like, once you’ve filled yourself, that’s when you can pour into others — not the other way around. Maybe that’s why I’ve been feeling drained. I remember once saying that I wanted to celebrate my birthday alone — and God gave me that chance. I just didn’t realize it. I actually tried to celebrate it the way I wanted. I wanted to watch a movie, but all that was showing were horror films, and I don’t like horror. Still, I’m happy I got to buy the jeans I’ve been thinking about for so long (the skirt was a nice bonus!). Maybe this is God’s reminder for me to heal from my limiting beliefs — about others and about myself. Maybe this chapter is about shifting my mindset and changing my beliefs. I really hope so, because I know my thoughts can be quite negative sometimes. I’m okay now — I just teared up a little while typing this. Anyway, I’m already at work, and thankfully, it’s an availing time. I just hope that one day, on my birthday, someone will surprise me and make me feel truly special on my special day. So yeah… belated happy birthday to me. :) My wish for this new year of life is to finally start what my heart desires — my vlogging journey, my recital at SM, and my TikTok affiliate work. I hope I’ll serve the purpose God gave me through those paths. That’s all for now. I hope you’ll write another letter for yourself next year. 💌 — Hannah