A letter from Nov 01, 2025

Hey son, I am sorry. I am sorry that I never took accountability for any of my actions since my childhood all the way through the time of my *****. I am sorry that I chose drugs and partying over being a parent, over your wellbeing. The truth is, it is only by the grace of God and your own intelligence that my choices did not **** you or seriously harm you. I spent too much of my life trying to look like a great friend to everyone else instead of being a real mother to you. I wanted so badly to feel needed by people, and because you were always so independent and self-sufficient, I resented you for it. You did not deserve that. I was broken. And in my brokenness, I wanted the people around me to hurt too. But even through all of that, I am proud of you, so proud of the man you have become, despite everything. Proud of what you have accomplished. Proud of the father you are. And most of all, proud of the things you have fought not to become in an effort to break generational curses. You chose a different path than what I showed you, and that took incredible strength. I know that a lot of the things you do not like about yourself, the emotional selfishness, the stubbornness, the walls you put up with others, those are attributed from how I chose to treat you. They are the scars left behind by how I treated you your whole life. And yet, somehow, you took those same traits and turned them into tools to survive. That is something I could never have done. I wish I had taken responsibility for any of this before I passed away, so my ***** did not have to be my final act of selfishness toward you. I always desired attention, good or bad. I intentionally tried to make everything about me. And even in the end, I chose to pass away on your daughter’s birthday, thinking that maybe you would remember me every year, even if it brought you pain or the remembrance was unwanted. That was my final act of selfishness. I love you. I wish I had been the mother you needed. More than that, I wish I had been the mother you deserved. P.S. Every time you see a butterfly flying around near you, that is me. That is me showing up to tell you I love you, telling you that I miss you, and that I am wishing you peace and happiness. Until we meet again, Mom