A letter from Oct 15, 2025

Dear Me, It was a silent pain — full of regrets, full of conscience. March 2025 — finally, I was doing my On-the-Job Training. There was this one private resort that welcomed me and many other schoolmates. Yes, schoolmates — not classmates. I was the only one from my section who applied for OJT at that resort, and the rest were from another section. I’m thankful that they never let me feel left out during our duty days. They made sure I was always seen, and they made sure I felt comfortable. Especially our resort manager — who was the same age as us. He made us feel like we were his long-time friends. He protected us from those “tagapagmana” of the resort who often scolded us and made us feel like we were in debt to them just because they accepted us as OJTs. But he was there. He covered our ears, distracted us so we could forget those rude staff members, and made us laugh. He always asked after every shift, “Kumusta kayo?” Those words — the ones we really needed — he gave them to us. Then the day came — the last day of our OJT. He asked us, “When do you want to schedule the staycation?” Yes, OJTs here in the Philippines are unpaid labor. We don’t get any salary. But he wanted to reciprocate our efforts and the time we spent at the resort. He said he would give us a free 22-hour staycation. We were so happy when we heard those words. That was more than enough — especially knowing he would definitely join us. But sadly… I didn’t come. I couldn’t? Or I just didn’t? As much as I wanted to join them, there were just so many reasons — I’m not even sure if they were valid. I had work at night — a work-from-home job. I could’ve brought my laptop if I worked for a direct client. But the client I was working for didn’t even know I existed, because it was my neighbor’s client. I was doing her job, and she paid me for it. The second reason was that they were all classmates. I was the only one from a different section. Basically, they all knew each other — except me. Yes, I did mention that they never made me feel left out. But still, I just couldn’t push myself — I was too shy. Right after my OJT, after I finished all the documents that needed to be signed by Sir James (our resort manager), after everything was done — I never replied to the group chat. I saw their messages — they went café hopping and did other fun things — but I was too shy to join them. I never said a proper thank you to Sir James, and it looked like I just ghosted them. That’s what I regret the most. Why didn’t I just talk to them in the group chat if I was too shy to join in person? Why didn’t I say how thankful I was to finish my OJT smoothly? You might think — why would I regret something like this? Why not just thank him now? As if I can thank him now. As if he could read my messages now. He died a few days ago. I don’t want to believe it. I still hope it’s not true. He was just as old as we are — just starting our journey in our 20s. Why? We can never really tell how or when our last day on earth will be. And that’s why I regret not talking to them after everything we laughed about — after everything we shared: our problems, stories, food, jokes, and everything in between. I hope you can hear my heart — saying thank you for being part of my OJT journey. Thank you, Sir James! You will be forever missed. Maybe in our next life, let’s meet each other again — and I’ll make sure to be present and join every hangout with you! Thank you so much, and I’m very sorry. I hope you rest in peace. 🕊️ This is the only thing I can do — to share everything I wanted to say to you.