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Dear FutureMe, Mom found out about Karson and she made us break up. I'm still not over that. I've had the biggest self harm relapse of my life I wrote a poem that I will attach in the end its almost your birthday in 2 days. Tell me do we sill self harm, do we still love Karson and please tell me we've figured it out with Rohan. I love you. I read Girl in Pieces yesterday all in one day. It was amazing it truly got things right the fear, and all that. I know it's hard right now but im trying to make it better for you. Do the same for your next you. Never quit and never give up. I love you always. -Evelyn <3 It itches not my skin my head but not my skin my brain It feel like fire and sandpaper My head swims searching for a feeling I know how to get it I throw my eyes to the drawer I know what's inside It burns It swarms within me filling my head consuming my thoughts never Not again i promised myself him i promised but i need it oh how i need it i need it bad but I shouldn't i know that its so wrong but i need it the draw pull feels cold in my hands forigen Bitter almost evil I pull it open I see the books they laugh at me taunt me telling me my own story I push them aside shut up i tell them they laugh again i grit my teeth it doesn't matter nothing matters the feeling i need it i see it the small box i know what's inside it looks at me it knows whats going to happen how it will give me the feeling the fix i lift the lid i see it they shine up at me they look tired sad i dont care I need it the fix the feeling the thrill I pull one out inspecting its familiar shape i greet it as a friend it’s tired I find what i want on it I pull the fabric up exposed the sea of pale white I take it traveling it across the sea The sea breaks flowing red takes over pulls me in sinks me deeper deep deeper into the feeling The fix i drag it across to and fro until the whole sea is broken into small pieces tiny slivers in the red tide Then it hits me  a sting small as first then bigger then bigger still its pain white hot pain but not bad pain just white I wrap the bandages over the sea all under control nothing to see here my head is quite like I'm floating unwoken bliss nothing matters I sit in bliss  long bliss i breathe in, out in, out in, It hits me my promise to her to him myself its was all i lie i lied i didnt mean toI lie i didnt want to lie I wanted to tell the truth i need to tell the truth but i cant i shouldn't no one would understand i would be just another freak A freak with criss cross pattern over her skin not just her arms her stomach her legs But Her mind no one wants that You’ll just bring them down it tells me warns me whispers to me nothing will be the same i look at all the faces  the same faces right now they all see the same me but i know things things they don't things they don't want to see they will never see it the same way the way i do Bliss not pain not sting just  bliss never just about the pain never just the red tides just plain bliss