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Dear me, It’s been exactly 1 year since my ****** assault/attempted rape. I’m not okay and I haven’t been okay since it happened , I keep pushing it back down trying not think about it so much that I’ve successfully suppressed the details of the night. Not the whole night just some of the things that happened, not the whole thing, unfortunately. I think I’ve been hoping to just forget about it completely and that hasn’t happened yet. I’ve changed because of it , obviously, but I mean my personality, I have no hope anymore. I have become more pessimistic and I keep hoping to just die but I’m still here, unfortunately. I saw him this year at my sister‘s workplace and he waved at me like he didn’t almost completely destroyed me. He waved at me, casually, like he didn’t ruin my life and rob me of everything that I was. He waved at me. My parents still don’t know, and I don’t know if I’ll ever tell them. I don’t know if I can. I don’t know if I’m strong enough. I know I’m not strong enough. There was this letter I wrote to myself in August, before it happened. I had just gotten my ‘first’ job and I was so hopeful and I was telling myself all these things like “Put your trust in God” and “Never doubt, always have faith”. And then this happened and now I’m so doubtful and I don’t know what I believe in anymore . And I don’t know if God hears me or if he listens, but what I know is I don’t feel him anymore. I don’t know how to go on. As I said I just keep hoping to die and then I don’t. I need help.Who’s gonna help me?