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Dear FutureMe, So much has happened these past 6 months of 2025, and so much has happened - I'm assuming - for the past 6 months you just lived. I produced a show! A show that I would love to produce again in the near future. Maybe when you get this, you've already produced with INSERT THEATRE COMPANY HERE. Or, maybe not. I'm not sure what the future holds. I do know that in the next 2 months, I'll be moving out of my apartment, not by choice, but by force. I am sad about it. Really, really sad about it. Deeply distraught and sad about it. I know it's for the best, and even though part of me wants my roommate to rot in hell for it, I know she's not a bad person. Though when she said she needs to "rip the band aid off" when she told me, that phrase will now live in my head rent free. I've been thinking of writing a book lately. I feel like Rory Gilmore in the revival of Gilmore Girls, but honestly, so much has happened and so much will continue to happen. That's the joy of getting older I guess. I had therapy this morning, so maybe I am feeling a bit more sentimental and solemn and a bit more reserved than usual. I work as a tour guide now. I tell scary stories. Would have never guessed this was where my path of life was going, but it makes sense. A journalist is going to be on my tour this evening. Fuuuun. The supervisor that I asked out and that gently rejected me is going to be there. Double fun! The next person I ask out, I am going to take a moment to really think if I am making a smart, calculated decision. I had a crush on the poet from the show that I produced. He's several years younger than me! He's 23, but still that's not cool. That's super uncool actually. I mean, I'm 30 and he's 23 and it's not the worse thing in the world, but I can't keep liking men who are in my circle. My therapist said that I need to figure out why I am developing these crushes and what these men are doing to lead to me being attracted to them. I also noticed I was a bit attracted to a friend's maid-of-honor and I think it's because she's strong willed and has pretty eyes, and overall just pretty in general. So now I must do the same thing with my thoughts and mind and attraction to the men that I find attractive. It won't be easy, and it might be uncomfortable, but it is necessary that I do the work because to be honest, I am tired of my crushes taking over my life. It's all just a little too much sometimes. It's your birthday. Happy birthday. You know what, no, I am going to send this over to you around your birthday, but not on the day because that's too much pressure. Happy early birthday or belated birthday in that case. I have this idea of driving to the spa outside of town for my birthday, and that's how I want to spend my day. I want to be alone. Completely alone. I am so tired of planning and coordinating with people. There are too many people that I care about and I am tired of being stressed every year consistently around my birthday. I am over it. My half birthday is coming up and I am planning a going away Halloween party in my apartment. Maybe I'll rent an air b&b outside of town. For my actual birthday. I need to be driving. Though it would be kinda cute to hop on the via rail and get out of town that way. But regardless, my G2 license needs to be secured and I need to be driving and blasting my music through the speakers and not have a care in the world about other people for a full day. I need this. I need this. I need this. Just a day at the spa, maybe a massage, maybe a facial, put about $300 towards this, maybe spend a night away somewhere if I have the money. I almost don't want to see anyone on my birthday. I think I love the idea of being completely alone on April 2nd. Completely and utterly alone. What a dream to not worry about anyone but myself on the day I was born. Next month is around the time I start thinking about my upcoming birthday. I'm wondering how it's going to all go down for my 31st. I don't care what I end up doing, I just hope I am happy and at peace. I wonder if you're still in the theatre community. I wonder if you've left, like you say you always will and then never do. The entertainment industry sometimes feels like I stain that I can't scrub off. I'm drained from this producing project that I just finished less than a week ago. I'm also poor as all hell. Oh to be financially stable and still able to do my lil theatre thing. In a perfect world, my jo jobs would be paying double the amount they are paying me now and I would have a dog and a cat and an apartment near my friends. Maybe living solo outside of the city in a quiet town, and driving into the city for events and auditions. Or I would just get casted in things without auditioning. Maybe baby number 1 would be on the way. I don't know. I don't know a **** thing. But maybe I should write a book. I have all these thoughts, and stories that happen to me, and wild fantasies that I wish would happen to me, and maybe one day I'll write a book and pass all this knowledge on. For now, I write to you, future me. So much can change in 6 months. So much has happened, I'm sure. Enough about me, what's going on in your life? Tell me everything. Love, Your past