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Dear FutureMe, right now im at very low point in my life. i feel like my life has been stolen from me.. again. lost everything even that i coudnt even believe ill ever have. i feel more lost and confused than ever. even though age-wise answer is absolutely clear i feel more and more unsure if im too old to do some stuff or way to young. so questions in my life keeps just adding up, still have no clue what to do but now im even unsure when those things should be done. i did this already three times always with conditions, what should change in my life otherwise it wouldn't worth living and actually today i realized that my life is getting only worse, i havent been able to accomplish single one condition and i havent been able to get my life in any better position and somehow im still alive. but today im writing myself not to cause myself another anxiety in future from realisation that my life is getting only worse and traumatic childernhood that made me unusable was actually part of life i should have enjoyed till it lasted, but im writing myself to remind myself the only thing in my life that matters at the moment and hopefully will be resolved when you're reading this. its actually not about that thing, its about how it got into my life... if my life will continue just as its going now then i cannot even imagine at what terrible point i must be now, from today perspective i would probably think that future me really should just give up and yet ill give myself advise instead... remember what happened in train that changed your life, by now you already know it made your life in the end only worse but it was completely worth it. don't give up, there is probably nothing good waiting for me there will be no bright future but there is still chance ill get surprised at least second time in my life with something and if it will be like first time then another 19 years of suffering for that moment will worth it. hope im still here