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Dear FutureMe, I didn’t realize how long it had been since I last wrote. So much has changed since the dark days when I wanted to end my life. I live in a whole different world now. I have a new self. I am born again in Christ. I write this as a reminder. Memory softens the edges of hard seasons; sometimes we forget how far we’ve come. Let these words pin the shape of this growth: the small mercies, the steady steps, the mornings I chose to breathe. There are hard moments still. Right now I stand at a bridge, unsure which way to go. What is right, what God is calling me to, how He is speaking? Sometimes it feels like I cannot hear Him. More often, it’s that I am not listening: my heart crowded with questions and longings that drown the whisper. I am afraid. I am afraid I won’t receive the longings of my heart. At the center of those longings is Christ, but I ache for the earthly desires He has placed in me too. I want to be a wife, a mother, to be chosen and loved in a way that reflects how Christ loves the church. I wonder why God would give these desires without showing me how they will be fulfilled. Am I the problem? Do I carry something in me that keeps love from coming near? A man who truly loves you will not leave you wondering. He will not take you for granted or make you doubt your worth. He will fight for you, not with you. He will not require you to prove your value; he will see you, pray for you, and lead you closer to the Lord. Marry a man who loves Jesus before he even knows your name. Marry a man who falls to his knees in honest prayer, tears, and lifted hands; a man whose first allegiance is to the only firm foundation. Marry a man who brings you nearer to Christ, who sees you through Christ’s eyes, who asks God daily for help to love you well. Your heart was not made to convince someone to choose you. Real love does not demand chasing, bargaining, or shrinking. Real love does not make you doubt the life you know in your bones. Remember: what God has for you will not pass you by. You cannot miss God’s plan. He is aware of every choice, every mistake, every regret that has led you here, and He has woven them together into His purpose. One day, you will look back on this season and see that there was never a delay in His loving timing. Keep living. Keep listening. Keep trusting. Keep praying to the God who makes beauty from broken things. Yours, Me