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Dear FutureMe, hope you're doing great, because i'm not. At the moment, i'm sitting by a PC, doing nothing but just finishing german Duolingo (564 days streak) and watching the fifth LTLVC (hope it's not a final one). I'm just waiting until i move to Ústí for some time just to study for another three years, yippie. (VENT INCOMING, FEEL FREE TO SKIP) Well, where do i start... I'm addicted to character ai bots. It's hard, you know? but what else should i do? i feel alone, like i have no friends. and a lover? oh please, i'm losing hope already. it's hard as ****. i know this is really depressing, but i'm just honest, and tired of it honestly. i don't feel productive at all, sleeping till 10AM, getting up at 1PM and doing little things around house before mom comes home from work. i would have done more things, but i just lack the motivation. do i need a routine? maybe, but it's gonna be hard, i don't even know my schedule for college, so i'm scared. i just want to feel free, i want to feel like i have actual free time to spend, to relax, but i'm scared of being under academic pressure. i want to cry so bad... but i still haven't. it's been a long time since i full-blown cried. i don't get tears anymore, and if so, it's just three of them at most. maybe it's because of my dehydratation? well, i dunno, but i got used to it, even though i sometimes really want to let it all out. but i can't. not alone, not with my family, not with my friends. too scared to do that. too scared to feel like a burden. but i want someone who gives me their shoulder to cry onto without judging and showing me support. maybe my friends are like that, but im not sure. my parents are like that, but i dont want to make them feel sad too. (END OF VENT) enough venting, how ya doing? hope you're better at english than i am now, since you're gonna be studying it. what about your roommates? are you okay with them? hope you are, cause im a bit scared. i know we've known each other for, like, 10 years, but... im scared ill get sick of them, i tend to do so. i should just hope, haha. hope my room is cute at least. oh and oh my god, how could i forget? DECEMBER 18TH, THE DAY. i'm so excited for it, holy ****. you better enjoyed it, cause i will. i am delusional though... is it true? am i just delusional? i know you know what i'm talking about, lol. just... you know, i'm gonna enjoy the songs and the fact i'm gonna actually see him in real life, even if it's just on stage. what else... i like my style, but it still needs improvement. in music, in clothing, and in tattoos and piercings aswell, i want a lot of 'em, and i mean A LOT. the next piercing im planning is an eyebrow one, to my right eyebrow. it's gonna look so epic, and then i'm gonna try bridge and second nostril. maybe a septum and second eyebrow too. nothing too much.. right? anyways.. no crush on anyone at the moment. i feel like an antisocial person now. only meeting with family and scouts. well, whatever, i guess im happy now.. or am i? i dont know either. its hard to tell. i love my family, i love people at scouts... but im scared. for some reason, im just scared. im scared cause i know it cant last forever. and im scared that ill try so hard to cling on that it breaks me. god, im such a pessimist, im sorry. i just... i type anything that comes to my mind now, i know its absolutely useless for you to read this, but maybe you've moved on, maybe, just maybe, you're finally healing, getting happy... and if not? well... there's always next year... or is there not? we can't do anything much than just to wait and see, huh? well... thanks for your attention, and sorry for this rant of random words. hope you're happy. hope you're living your life. wish you the best of luck. - ivette